George: She stayed over?
Jerry: [disappointed] Yeah.
George: The sex wasn't so good?
Jerry: No, the sex was fabulous.
George: So?
Jerry: I want the massage!

George: You vomited in 1987.
Jerry: Oh, no. That was the dry heaves.

Kramer: Hey! I am looser than creamed corn!
Jerry: Yeah? Well, who told you to get a massage from her. I haven't gotten a massage from her yet!
Kramer: You don't know what you're missing buddy.

Kramer: First she sets the mood perfectly with this new age music played over ocean sounds. Then she lays you out on this table, and she proceeds to rub oil over your entire body. And she rubs long... and deep... Jerry, she rubs with love. Every muscles she touches just... oozes. Beneath those silky, soft fingers, you can scarcely contain yourself, buddy.

Jerry: All right, now you listen and you listen good!
Kramer: What!
Jerry: The massages are out!
Kramer: Wha-
Jerry: Ahh! They're out!
Kramer: Why?!
Jerry: Because if I can't get one, you're not getting one.
Kramer: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I need my massages! Can't you see I'm burned out?!
Jerry: I'm sorry, Kramer.
Kramer: Why? Why? Look, I paid for her.
Jerry: Don't you ever talk about her like that!
Kramer: But why?
Jerry: That's final!
Kramer: Ah!

Elaine: Oh, you have photos in your wallet?
Joel: Yeah. Why? Is that weird?
Elaine: No, it's normal. You're very normal. You're totally normal. Who's this?
Joel: That's my mother.
Elaine: Oh yeah. I see the resemblance.
Joel: No, there's no resemblance.
Elaine: Yeah, there is, right here you see--
Joel: Elaine, I was adopted.
Elaine: Oh. That's nice.

Announcer: [v.o.] Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? Would Joel Rifkin report to the stadium office. Joel Rifkin...telephone.
Joel: Who would be calling me here?
Elaine: He's not the murderer.

Kramer: Oh, God.
Jerry: What's the matter with you?
Kramer: Jerry, I need another massage!
Jerry: You just had one yesterday. What do you need another one for?
Kramer: Because of the Giant game! I told you, it went overtime! You know what those seats are like. They're very unforgiving.
Jerry: Oh, please.
Kramer: And then the game-winning field goal went over the net and into the crowd, and I dove over three rows! My back, it's killing me! It's killing me, Jerry!
Jerry: Well, did you get the ball?
Kramer: Oh, I got the ball.
Jerry: Well, I never even caught a foul ball at a baseball game.
Kramer: Well, It's quite a thrill.

Jerry: Why don't you get somebody else?
Kramer: Because nobody does it like she does. She's the best.
Jerry: Well, that's it! Tonight's the night. I'm getting one. No "if and's or but's".
Kramer: What about my massage?
Jerry: Ask Newman.

Elaine: Of course I support your decision to change your name.
Joel: After the Giant game I realized that this- this problem isn't going away.
Elaine: Well, listen, I just want you to know that I was more than willing to stick it out with Joel Rifkin.
Joel: Sure.
[Elaine playfully strangles Joel]