Jerry Quote #851
Quote from Jerry in The Masseuse
[stand-up:]
Jerry: The Swedish are very big massagers. You know, they like the Swedish meatballs, the Swedish massage. They like having meat in their hands, these people. For some reason. But it's weird because they have one of the highest suicide rates. They're always rubbing each other's necks all the time. For a neutral country, they seem kind of tense. I don't really like the idea of getting a professional massage. I don't want people touching me that don't know me and don't want to have sex with me. You know, what are you bothering me for? You've getting me all loosened up, juices flowing, and then, "That's it. Okay, you're done." It's like having chocolate rubbed all over your face. You wanna go, "Excuse me. I think you missed a spot."
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Masseuse’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: If there's a serial killer loose in your neighborhood, it seems like the safest thing is to be the neighbor. They never kill the neighbor. The neighbor always survives to do the interview afterwards. Right? "Oh, he was kind of quiet." I love these neighbors. They're never disturbed by the sounds of murdering, just stereo. Chain saws, people screaming, fine. Just keep the music down. And all these women who always fall in love with the serial killer. They write to him in prison. Here's a woman who's hard to disappoint. I guess she's only upset when she finds out he's stopped killing people and she goes, "You know, sometimes I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore".
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: Oh, the risotto broad.
Jerry: Yeah. He's really got a good thing with her. In fact I'm doubling with them tonight.
Elaine: I thought you didn't like double dates.
Jerry: George likes them. He feels it's a good personality showcase. He likes a date to see him with a friend so she can get a window into his non-date personality.
Elaine: I've looked through that window and screamed at him to shut the blinds.
Quote from Kramer
Kramer: Uh, yeah, a ticket for Kramer.
Ticket Man: Here it is. I need some I.D.
Kramer: Oh, yeah. [snaps fingers] You know, I forgot my wallet.
Ticket Man: Well, I can't give it to you then.
Kramer: Are you kidding me?
Ticket Man: I'm afraid not.
Kramer: Come on, just look at me. Tell me I'm not Kramer.
Ticket Man: I'm sorry. I need proof.
Kramer: Look, I'll drive out here tomorrow and I'll show the I.D. I got nothing to do all day.
Ticket Man: Neither do I. But without I.D., I need confirmation from the person who left the ticket.
Kramer: Where is a phone?