Denise: Hey, Turk. [sniffs pork chop] Mmm, it's like Christmas morning.
Turk: You want to help me get her back? This is what we do. We fill her car up with pork chops, and when she opens the door, the pork chops will slide all over the place, and she'll have to dig a little seat. I'm talking about a major inconvenience.

Lucy: Dr. Reid, you're so inspiring.
Elliot: Oh, stop. Go on.
Lucy: You're totally the kind of doctor I want to be when I get super old.
Elliot: Compliment took a bit of a left turn there.
Lucy: I just don't think you realize how awesome it is for me to see a woman actually doing it, you know? I just don't think you realize you're a great doctor, and you've got your life together. You're handling both. Me, I've got nine texts this minute. My boyfriend needs me, my dad wants his daily phone call, my sister Maureen is Freaking out about her bachelorette party. She has to have sex with her fiance for the first time in case the stripper got her pregnant. Long story.
Elliot: Oh, sure, sure.

Elliot: Lucy, you can do it. You just need to learn how to prioritize. Uh-oh. [voice breaks] I've been so emotional lately, and I just pictured you as my little sister, and I'm starting to lose it. Quick. Say something to remind me of how crazy you are.
Lucy: Um... I ran out of underwear today, so I wore my bathing suit.
Elliot: Huh. Thanks. All better.

Cole: Hey, so you and me got off on the wrong foot. Nobody's fault. I mean, you put two alpha dogs in a cage, and there's bound be some barking, right? Woof! Woof!
Dr. Cox: Yes. Yes, we are exactly alike indeed.
Cole: See, you get it. Anyway, I just wanted to talk about my ranking before the newsletter comes out.
Dr. Cox: Spoiler alert, you're last.
Cole: Hey, Dr. Cox, please. If my dad reads I'm at the bottom, he might lose it and cut me off. Okay, I know I don't act like it sometimes, but I really do want to be a doctor.
Dr. Cox: Son, that is the first honest thing you've ever said to me.
Cole: Yeah, you know what it's like to have a miserable, judgmental bastard for a dad?
Dr. Cox: No. My father was so super sweet that my entire childhood was an endless parade of lollipops and hugs. Of course I do. Look, I can't just move you up in the rankings based on nothing, so for the next week, if I need something done, I'll go to you. We'll call it "extra credit."
Cole: Great.
Dr. Cox: In fact, go to bed 12. There is a very, very large sick man there who needs an alcohol bath all over his entire body.
Cole: Thank you for the opportunity. [exits]
Drew: So did he buy the whole newsletter rankings nonsense?
Dr. Cox: Like an elderly shut-in talking to a telemarketer.
Drew: Outstanding.

Turk: Thank you for meeting me. So basically I'm looking for a work friend, Someone to pal around with at the hospital.
Todd: I am so ready to take this relationship to the next level. You know, mentally, physically and emotionally.
Turk: I'm sorry, did you just say "physically"?
Todd: Weird five. Get there.

Turk: If you were on a desert island, what three CDs would you bring?
Drew: Motorhead, Metallica, and the original cast recording of Wicked. I stage-managed the, uh, Midwestern leg of the '05 tour. And, yes, Kristin Chenoweth is a delight. [laughs] Why am I here again?

Lucy: [v.o.] I think we're all searching for something. Sometimes it's a replacement for the irreplaceable.
Dr. Cox: Lookit, Gandhi, if you expect me to go all the way, you gotta step up your game a little bit here, pal. Maybe take me out to a nice dinner, introduce me to some of your friends.
Turk: You're not taking this seriously, are you?
Dr. Cox: Not even a little, and not just because I want nothing to do with Dorian's sloppy seconds. Work sucks. You, however, have been lucky enough to have worked with your very best friend for eight years. That will never, ever happen again.

Lucy: Morning, sunshine. You look rested. Wow, and making time for the paper, too. That must be nice. Later, you munch.
Elliot: Did she just call me "buttmunch"?
Drew: Well, she didn't use the word "butt," though I can't think of any other prominent type of "munch." So, yeah, I think she called you a "buttmunch." I'm Drew, by the way.

Elliot: Question. When you called me "munch," were you referring to Richard Belzer's beloved detective character first established on Homicide, but best known from Law & Order: S.V.U.. Crime procedurals soothe the baby. Luckily, there is a different one on every nine seconds.

Cole: What else can I do?
Dr. Cox: Actually, Drew here was about to assist me with something.
Drew: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Cole: No, I got it. What's the job?
Drew: Sorry, Charlie, this is my deal.
Dr. Cox: No, you know what, Drew? Cole's been really stepping up, showing some promise. I'm gonna let him do this one. Room 32. I want you to do a manual rectal disimpactation. Mr. Hanson is very constipated. You will fix that With your hands.
Drew: Oh, lucky!
Cole: [flatly] Yay.
Dr. Cox: "Sorry, Charlie"?
Drew: I thought it was brilliant.