Kim: J..D, I hope you're not beating yourself up about this.
J.D.: Oh, Kim, I'm sorry, I wanted to do something fun for our first date.
Kim: No. It was so much more fun then, then you think. I mean, the first seven or eight minutes rocked. Admittedly, it was a little bit more like work after that. But at least I got to third base with you.
J.D.: [v.o.] And there it was. The moment where pity was turning into genuine affection. Classic Dorian.
J.D.: I feel like we kind of missed first base.
Kim: Me, too.
J.D.: Well, maybe we should fix that.
Kim: We should.
J.D.: [v.o.] And then it happened. Elliot Reid. Moment Killer.

Elliot: What's up, guys? Tell me every detail about the date.
Kim: We went horseback riding on the beach.
Elliot: Oh, yes. I've been on that date.
Kim: Really?
J.D.: What? I had a coupon.

J.D.: [v.o.] I wasn't the only one to have an uninvited guest.
Jordan: [groans] You know what sucks? I didn't even eat any of that crappy shower food and I still feel nauseous. In fact, I've been nauseous for, like, two weeks.
[Dr. Cox and Jordan suddenly turn to each other in panic]
[flashbacks:]
Jordan: I've been exhausted all week.
Jordan: My boobs are so big right now.
[present:]
Jordan: Yep, I'm pregnant.
Jack: I pooped in my bed so I put it on the TV.

Dr. Cox: Please forgive me, but since I had a vasectomy last year, nay, two vasectomies, I feel, I feel I just have to ask. Did you cheat on me?
Jordan: No. And you know me. I always tell.
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's true. That's pretty much why we work well together.

[J.D. tears down a poster featuring his face and the text "Come chill at my Big Gay Deck !!"]
J.D.: Are you responsible for this?
Janitor: What are you talking about? I'm selling my old mop. The 2007s are in.
J.D.: Sorry.
[The Janitor turns the mop poster over for one featuring J.D. and the text "Old? Gay? Like Decks?"]

Turk: All right, Kim's right there. We spent all morning crafting a line so raw with confidence, that if you pull it off, you're back in the game.
J.D.: I'm afraid, Mocha Bear.
Turk: I know. Buck up!
J.D.: Hey, Kim.
Kim: Oh, hey, J.D. How're you feeling?
J.D.: Well, uh the swelling's gone down... for now.
Kim: [laughs] You're an idiot.

J.D.: Go out with me again tonight.
Kim: Oh, J.D., I'd love to, but I'm going to a Neil Diamond concert.
J.D.: With who?
J.D.: [v.o.] Elliot Reid. Moment Killer.

Elliot: You know what J.D. 's got planned since it's his day off and he's dateless?
[elsewhere:]
J.D.: This is my first scooter rally. Do you want to be Ponch or Jon?

J.D.: [v.o.] Ugh. I hate cleaning up after those messy old queens. Ooh, appletini? When did they start drinking straight guy drinks? Mmm. It's fresh.

Kim: What's up, chicken butt?
J.D.: Hey, Kim. What happened to Neil Diamond?
Elliot: I haven't seen Keith in a while, so I'm gonna take him instead. Kim's letting me off the hook.
J.D.: [mouths] Thank you.
Elliot: [mouths] You're welcome.