Dr. Kelso: Is Dr. Maddox really that bad?
Dr. Cox: Hmm, she's like you. Only smarter and on the ball.
Dr. Kelso: That must suck! [chuckles]
Dr. Cox: What?
Dr. Kelso: Admit it. You miss having me as the Chief of Medicine.
Dr. Cox: Bob! I will gladly admit to anything that's true, no matter how embarrassing. For example, I've always wished that I could carry a child inside of me, and you know, birth it. But I'll never admit to missing you, Bob. Ever. Rusty, heel!
Janitor: [barks]

Dr. Kelso: Donny, I'm gonna need a Double Chocolate Blaster as a 'pick-me-up'. [catches muffin] Maybe another. [catches one in the other hand] Hello, girls.

Carla: Sit down, Katie, sit down. It's time to set you straight. But we'd better do it fast because, man, you're annoying.
Katie: Why do you think you can talk to me like this? You're just a nurse.
Carla: Okay. A, I'm a lioness. B, who the hell do you think runs this place? The nursing staff has already turned on you. Why do you think you were assigned 75 bowel disimpactions this week?
Katie: I don't care, I'm good at it. Plus, this morning, I found a silver dollar.
Carla: Everyone's onto you, Missy. Pretty soon, you're gonna get called out.

Dr. Maddox: Hey, guys? Listen, I popped in here earlier and noticed not Mr. Rosell but his daughter showing signs of MS. They were lying to get her the drugs. Can you believe it?
J.D.: I'm angry! I wanna shake these things!
Elliot: Hard!
Dr. Maddox: Anyway, I played the bad guy for you and I tossed them out. I love playing the bad guy! I'd even wear black scrubs if they made them.

Dr. Cox: [whistles] Hey, you! How do you think the board will feel if I can show 'em proof that you're on the take for a medical supply company?
Dr. Maddox: I'm guessing they'd be thrilled since I'm rolling that money back into the hospital's budget.
Dr. Cox: Please, stop handcuffing us. You're making it impossible for us to help our patients.
Dr. Maddox: Does anybody else feel that way? [all hands go up] Great, now I don't have to tell you each individually that, um I don't give a rat's hairy ass. It's a huge time-saver. Thanks, gang.

Katie: Look, Carla, I appreciate this whole mother-hen thing.
Carla: Lioness.
Katie: Lioness thing that you've got going on here, but I don't need your help.
Carla: Look, I know you think you're fine on your own, but in order to survive here, you need to surround yourself with friends. Look over there. [Dr. Cox, J.D., Elliot and the Janitor] I can count on three out of four of those people.
I trust them with all my secrets.

Elliot: Oh, you guys Carla had the nastiest sex dream about the cafeteria lady. Watch how uncomfortable she gets.

Elliot: You guys, let's face it: Maddox is untouchable.
J.D.: [v.o.] Not true. I know how to get rid of any woman.
[fantasy: J.D. is stood outside the hospital with flowers]
J.D.: Dr. Maddox? I love you.
Dr. Maddox: Excuse me for just a second.
J.D.: Where you going, I'm telling you that I love you, I?
Dr. Maddox: Okay.
[As Dr. Maddox backs away into the street, she is hit by an ambulance]
[reality:]
J.D.: [v.o.] Too mean, psyche.

Jordan: Admittedly, getting rid of Maddox is a board issue but as you all know, I recently retired to become a full-time mom.
J.D.: [v.o.] Crap, we forgot Jordan's retirement party last week. I hope we weren't the only ones.
Dr. Cox: I really should have gone to your party.
Jordan: You think?

Dr. Kelso: Afternoon power walk, coming through.