J.D.: [v.o.] Every doctor has their own way of dealing with patients. Turk was all about efficiency.
J.D.: Why are you standing on a chair?
Turk: Because from this spot I can see into four rooms without actually going in. Check it. Patients of Dr. Turk, how are we?
Man: [o.s.] Okay.
Man: [o.s.] All good.
Woman: [o.s.] Fine.
Man: [o.s.] [mumbles]
Turk: The guy has a tongue surgery. He's actually okay, though.

J.D.: [v.o.] Elliot preferred a more personal approach.
Elliot: Shannon, what's happening, girlfriend? Yeah, I know I can't pull off calling someone girlfriend, but she likes it, so..
Shannon: I do. Can't help it.

Elliot: Shannon's back. Oh, it's been so great getting to know her. See, that's the great thing about being in private practice. You get to treat the same patients all the... [everyone pretends to sleep] Oh, come on, you guys!
Dr. Cox: [whispers] Shh! People are sleeping here.
Elliot: [whispers] Well, I guess you think it so funny, wait: [normally] Why am I whispering?
Dr. Cox: Listen, Barbie, I'd love to take credit for this idea, but it was all Big Bobby Kelso. [applause]
Dr. Kelso: Ah, come on.

Elliot: So you're experiencing vomiting and shortness of breath, neither of which are consistent with your A.L.S.
J.D.: [v.o.] It's hard to be comfortable around terminal patients, but Shannon made it easy.
J.D.: So how is the A.L.S. progressing?
Shannon: Oh, it's been a blast.
Elliot: Mm-hmm. Her legs are fully paralyzed, and her arms are on the way.
J.D.: That does sound fun.

Shannon: I think I'm ready for all this. I said goodbye to all my friends. Hell, I even had my funeral already.
Elliot: She looked so beautiful in her casket.
J.D.: I'm sure you did.
Shannon: I wasn't in a casket.
J.D.: I know that. Come on, who would do that? Except for vampires.
Elliot: I told you he was gullible.

J.D.: So you went to your own funeral, huh? Were people sad enough for you?
Shannon: Most of them. And anyone that wasn't crying got a talking to.
J.D.: You should have invited me. I can cry on cue. Say "dead puppies".
Shannon: Dead puppies.
[J.D. pretends to hold back tears]

J.D.: [v.o.] Connecting with patients always came easier to me than it did to some others.
Turk: Have a good day, Mr. Wolmer.
Dr. Cox: Wow! You actually learned your patient's name. Maybe if you don't kill him in the operating room, you can take him out dancing.
Turk: I doubt it. I'm amputating his foot later. But he's still gonna give me a good review. See, we're DBFFs.
Dr. Cox: Uh?
Turk: Diabetic best friends forever.

Turk: Patients of Dr. Turk, would you like any one-on-one time with your surgeon?
Man: [o.s.] Please!
Man: [o.s.] Sure!
Woman: [o.s.] Yeah!
Man: [o.s.] Love to. A private consultation with my surgeon would be very much appreciated. Thank you!
Turk: Damn. Someone's tongue is healing fast.

Carla: So, Lady is an unusual name.
Lady: Oh, tell me about it. I was conceived after my parents saw the movie Lady and The Tramp.
Carla: That's so sweet.
Lady: Yeah. Oh! Got to go meet my guy out front. Nice meeting you, Carla.

Dr. Kelso: Now, I don't give a hoot about the janitor and his gal-pal, ok? So shove off.
Carla: You wouldn't dare draw on me, and I already know whether Harry lives or dies at the end.
Dr. Kelso: So Lady's completely normal, huh?
Carla: [eating muffin] Can you believe that?