Dr. Cox Quote #939
Jordan: Are you trying to annoy me by wearing your wedding ring? Because all you really needed to do was wear that "Who farted?" T-shirt.
Dr. Cox: Now, hun. And when I say hun, I don't mean the short for honey kind, but rather the Attila kind. Despite the fact that wearing our wedding ring may actually annoy you, which don't get me wrong is one of the most stupendous perks in the history of the planet, the truth is I'm wearing it because I want to.
Jordan: So that's it, you're just gonna ignore me?
Dr. Cox: As much as I'll ignore the opening of Hugh Jackman's next cinematic excretion. Jordan, come one. Bottom line, I'm not telling anyone we're married, this isn't for other people, it's It's for me, which begs the question, why on earth would you care?
Quote from Janitor
Lady: Hey. Do you have a second?
Janitor: Oh honey, I would love to but I'm just right in the middle of something. [to Carla and Turk] Anyway, between the weak American dollar and the, uh you know low interest rates, I think you'd be absolute fools not to buy a house right now. And-and-and the subprime mortgage foreclosures have just made it a complete buyer's market. [exits]
Carla: What the hell was that?
Turk: I don't know. But it kinda made sense.
Quote from Dr. Cox
Dr. Cox: Say, Zeltzer, my family is with me here today, but all the tables are full. Do you mind if we join you for breakfast?
Dr. Zelzter: Not at all. I get family. I'm here so much I hardly ever see my wife. That's why I installed a web camera at my house so I can see her during the day. Right now, I'm watching her do the dishes.
Dr. Cox: Who in god's name are those two naked people?
Dr. Zelzter: That's Mr. and Mrs. Dish.
Dr. Cox: Get out!
Quote from Janitor
Janitor: Well, you were right. Lady and I are doomed. Congratulations, Pam.
Jordan: You think my name is Pam? You know what, I don't care. I have my own problems.
Janitor: The worst part is things were really going great between us.
Jordan: Tell me about it. Perry and I finally got to the place where we could have sex facing each other.
Janitor: I finally got so comfortable with her that I was able to be the real me. I even told her I don't want to have kids. I just want to adopt a really short old guy. You know what, if she wants to break up with me, that's fine. I'm just gonna dump her first.
Quote from My Student
J.D.: [v.o.] It's hard trying to figure out how to reach somebody. I guess the thing I can do is to think of someone I look up to, and remember how they got through to me.
Dr. Cox: Newbie, the only way you could be less productive right now is if you were in fact the wall on which you're leaning. Of course, then you'd be providing some jackass with a wall on which to lean against and reflect on what a jackass he truly is. I know. Here it's a conundrum.
Quote from My Life in Four Cameras
J.D.: What the hell are we supposed to do?
Dr. Cox: Loretta, relax. I've been involved in every ridiculous TV-induced panic there is. Poison pills, SARS, West Nile, North Face, South Fork, East River, monkey pox, Pop Rocks, toilet snakes, mad cow, bird flu, swine flu, and, quite frankly, every other flu that you could really only catch if you actually fornicate with the animal it's named for. And as a parting gift, I will tell you this. Narrow it down to two symptoms: vomiting and diarrhea, because it's just not E. coli unless it's firing out both exits.
J.D.: Sure hope I don't have dog flu.
Quote from My Big Mouth
Dr. Cox: You're gonna love this one. Twenty-five-year-old woman, dancer, actually. Well, not anymore. I'm afraid we had to take both of her legs. Bilateral gangrene. And seeing as her husband recently passed away, and her insurance at the dancers' union probably is not going to cover it, you should go ahead and tell her she won't be able to stay here with us for her rehab.
Elliot: Um, what room is she in?
Dr. Cox: There is no room. In fact, in the history of medicine, there's never actually been a patient that depressing. I made her up! Come on, now, Barbie. You keep going down this road, you're gonna go up to the roof and jump the hell off. Mind you, it's only five stories high, so that means you'll just wind up back down here, where I, of course, will be the one who has to treat you. And then I'll be forced to jump off the roof, which, as I was suggesting to you, is only five stories high. And are you starting to see a pattern forming here?