Lady: Hey. Do you have a second?
Janitor: Oh honey, I would love to but I'm just right in the middle of something. [to Carla and Turk] Anyway, between the weak American dollar and the, uh you know low interest rates, I think you'd be absolute fools not to buy a house right now. And-and-and the subprime mortgage foreclosures have just made it a complete buyer's market. [exits]
Carla: What the hell was that?
Turk: I don't know. But it kinda made sense.

Janitor: Well, you were right. Lady and I are doomed. Congratulations, Pam.
Jordan: You think my name is Pam? You know what, I don't care. I have my own problems.
Janitor: The worst part is things were really going great between us.
Jordan: Tell me about it. Perry and I finally got to the place where we could have sex facing each other.
Janitor: I finally got so comfortable with her that I was able to be the real me. I even told her I don't want to have kids. I just want to adopt a really short old guy. You know what, if she wants to break up with me, that's fine. I'm just gonna dump her first.

Jordan: Are you trying to annoy me by wearing your wedding ring? Because all you really needed to do was wear that "Who farted?" T-shirt.
Dr. Cox: Now, hun. And when I say hun, I don't mean the short for honey kind, but rather the Attila kind. Despite the fact that wearing our wedding ring may actually annoy you, which don't get me wrong is one of the most stupendous perks in the history of the planet, the truth is I'm wearing it because I want to.
Jordan: So that's it, you're just gonna ignore me?
Dr. Cox: As much as I'll ignore the opening of Hugh Jackman's next cinematic excretion. Jordan, come one. Bottom line, I'm not telling anyone we're married, this isn't for other people, it's It's for me, which begs the question, why on earth would you care?