J.D.: Dr. Cox, I got Will's CT results back. No cancer. So what shall I tell him?
Dr. Cox: I'd open with that.
J.D.: Well, it's just he's headed down such a bad road, I thought maybe you and I could talk to him...
J.D.: [v.o.] When you have a mentor, you understand the meaning behind their words.
Dr. Cox: You do whatever you want.
J.D.: [v.o.] Means "Great idea".
Dr. Cox: I'm just happy you haven't messed up yet today.
J.D.: [v.o.] Means "You're really coming along as a doctor".
Dr. Cox: Don't ever touch me.
J.D.: [v.o.] Means "Don't ever touch him".
J.D.: Just thought it was a nice moment.

Elliot: Carla, I shouldn't have told Dr. Kelso on you.
Carla: No, you shouldn't have.
J.D.: [v.o.] Ah, the comfortable silences.
Carla: But thank you for apologizing.
J.D.: Okay, good.
Elliot: I wanna make one thing clear.
J.D.: Nothing needs to be clear.
[fantasy scene: Elliot digging her own grave at a cemetery as Carla and J.D. stand over her:}
Elliot: I still think you were in the wrong. Checking orthostatics is your job and I need to know you'll take care of it. That's all I'm saying.
[reality:]
Elliot: There. All better.

Elliot: That dog is creepy.
J.D.: Oh, be nice to Rowdy. The guy we bought him from used to keep him in a box full of old hats.
Elliot: Ew.

J.D.: Me, I'm doing better with new people. Like Carla, for instance.
Carla: Hey, Bambi, that blonde stick you hang out with? Tell her... [talks in Spanish]
J.D.: You might have to write that down for me.
J.D.: [v.o.] And Dr. Cox. We've really connected. I'm kind of like his protege.
Dr. Cox: I need to see his chart...
J.D.: Done, copied and highlighted.
Dr. Cox: Unfortunately, radar, I'm fresh out of gold stars.

J.D.: [v.o.] I like Will. That actually makes this harder.
J.D.: I ordered blood cultures and a high-resolution CT.
Will: Well, what are you looking for?
Dr. Cox: Cancer.
J.D.: [v.o.] When you say "cancer, " every person reacts the same way.
Will: Excellent.
J.D.: [v.o.] Not like that. [Will slumps down on his bed] There it is.

J.D.: [v.o.] I had to scare him but I had a sense he'd heard it before. Luckily, part of being a doctor is your ability to improvise.
J.D.: So right now, the one thing I want you to think about... [electronic voice] How would you like to sound like this?
Will: Let me see. [electronic voice] This is so cool.
J.D.: No, it's not.
Will: [electronic voice] Biddy, biddy, biddy.
J.D.: It's not a toy. [electronic voice] Would you like to play a game?
J.D.: [v.o.] Sometimes, if all you have is old words, all you can do is flip them together and hope they say something new.
J.D.: Look, man. You're a great patient. I like you enough to hope I never see you again. But I promise you if you keep smoking, you'll be back here. I bet my own life on that.

Male voice: [over P.A.] Dr. Reid to Room 402, then down to 201, then back up to Room 403.
[Carla and Nurse Roberts laugh]

Carla: Come on. Out with it.
Turk: Don't rush me. I mean, you shouldn't be impatient with the opportunity of a lifetime.
Carla: Oh, okay, so I'm gonna go sit down because you're so sexy? My knees are weak.
Turk: Really?

[The Janitor emerges in the stairwell and blows smoke in J.D.'s face]
J.D.: [coughs]
Janitor: Private party.

J.D.: So, I still can't figure out why Dr. Cox tore me a new one today.
Turk: Oh, man, enough already! He's a jerk.
[montage:]
Elliot: He's a jerk.
Doug: He's a jerk.
Dr. Kelso: He's a jerk.
Janitor: You're a jerk.
Carla: He's just Dr. Cox. He's always like that.
J.D.: Who really knows him? I mean, who does he hang out with here?
Carla: No one.
J.D.: [v.o.] That must be lonely.