Carla: So what did you really do? And why are you limping?
Jordan: Perry!
Dr. Cox: I got a vasectomy. Do not tell Jordan.

Turk: Come on, Billy, just say it.
Billy: For the last time, lads: no.
J.D.: Oh, then perhaps you're not really Irish.
Billy: Fine! Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers.
J.D.: See, I told you. Yeah! Yeah! He's Irish!
Turk: Yeah he is. Yeah he is.

Billy: How long are you two seeing each other? You're a great couple.
J.D.: Oh, no, man, we're just living together. And not like, like, livin' together, I mean, like, livin' together. Hey, that is a cool tattoo, my brother.
Billy: Oh, yeah, I got this, I snuck onto a plane, thought it was going to Belgium, ended up in Kenya. Long story short, I hung out with this tribe. When the males go through adolescence, they get this tattoo. It means "Alias."
J.D.: Oh, why "Alias"?
Billy: It's their favorite show.
J.D.: Oh.
Billy: I'm only kiddin'. I don't know what it means.

Billy: Enough about me. What about you lads, you know, saving lives here all day every day? Out at night, givin' out a lash, tearin' it up? You do go out at night, don't you?
[flashback to J.D. and Turk playing Go Fish in the apartment. Turk has fallen asleep:]
J.D.: Do you have any sevens? Turk. You have lots of sevens.
[present:]
J.D.: We tear it.
Turk: And-and-and sometimes lash, but with the hours we work, it's.
J.D.: It's less tearing and more folding.
Turk: Right.
J.D.: Gently folding.

Billy: Lads, you'll sleep enough when you're dead and buried. You have to get out in the streets, you have to talk to a stranger. Drink a beer with breakfast. Take the ugliest girl home at the party.
J.D.: Done it. Done that. That one I've done.
Billy: Go travelin' to Texas, you know? Go line dancing with some married women that wish they weren't married. You never know what life would put in your lap when you open your arms and embrace it!

J.D.: "You'll be surprised what'll fall in your lap if you open up and embrace life".
Turk: Dude.
J.D.: Elliot.
Elliot: He said my eyes look like the Irish countryside after a soft rain. I should go.
J.D.: That happened very quickly.

Turk: Don't even sweat it. It's Elliot. She's desperate.
J.D.: Dude.
Turk: Baby!
Carla: What? What? I wasn't gonna do anything! He said my hair was curly.
Billy: Your hair is curly.
Turk & J.D.: Baby!

Dr. Cox: I didn't just get a vasectomy.
Dr. Kelso: Come on, soldier. If I have to force you to drop your pants, I will. So, tell Bobbo, was it a hard decision for the two of you to make?
[flashback to Dr. Cox in the doctor's surgery:]
Dr. Cox: Snip it, doc. Snip it hard.
[present:]
Dr. Cox: Yeah, we- We really... struggled with it.
Dr. Kelso: I don't really care.

Elliot: Why are you waving? You're married.
Carla: So what? Married people can't wave now?
Elliot: You can wave like this. You can't wave like this.
Carla: I didn't know you were a waving expert. What plans of ours did you flake on to go to that waving seminar?
Elliot: Oh, why are you asking me? Did you forget?! You big plan forgetter. Besides, I don't need to go to a waving seminar to know that this wave is internationally known as "I am a married woman whose self esteem has plummeted because nobody looks at me anymore, and so I'm acting like a desperate hussy."

J.D.: [v.o.] The crazy thing is most assumptions could be avoided if you just asked a simple question in the first place.
J.D.: Well, if you're not his brother, then who are you?
Billy: Me? I'm the bloke that hit him.