Dr. Cox: Boy, I tell you what, there, Jordan, I'm sure glad that shift is-
Denise: Perry, I was just telling Jordan here about that sneezing attack that I had this morning. Was it fourteen or fifteen sneezes?
Jordan: Yes, Perry, was it fourteen or fifteen sneezes?
Dr. Cox: What are you doing here, Denise?
Denise: Well, I heard that you were doing back-to-back shifts, so I pulled a couple of strings so that we could get the old band back together.
Jordan: Perry!, you've always wanted to be in a band.
Denise: Get out of town. I just came up with that band thing.
Jordan: Get out of town, Perry.
Denise: Well, laissez le bon temps rouler. Translation: Let the good times roll. See, that's what they say in New Orleans, The Big Easy. You know, that was my nickname in high school New Orleans. No, I'm just kidding, it was The Big Easy. I was a huge slut. I was, I did everybody.

J.D.: Should we get out of here?
Dr. Molly Clock: Do you think you can handle it?
J.D.: No. But you won't know until after.
Dr. Molly Clock: You just need to clear it with one person first.
J.D.: Just tell me who.
[later:]
Elliot: [laughs for a long time] No. Oh, what's the matter, J.D., freezer got your tongue?
J.D.: That doesn't even make any sense.
Elliot: So's your face.
J.D.: [v.o.] Dammit! Walked into that one!

Denise: So, little Jack's a baseball fan, eh?
Jordan: He's two and he can't talk yet.
Denise: You know what you should do? You should get him some baseball cards! I got my son, Davey, a Ken Griffey Jr. card? Carries it with him wherever he goes. Never liked the gum, though. Gum's a weird word, isn't it? You know? Do you ever notice some words, you say 'em enough, they don't even sound like words anymore? Gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum, gum...
Dr. Cox: Oh, happy day. She's blown a fuse.

Doug: Relax. At most, you have a minor concussion. Now, I just wanna check your pupils, okay?
J.D.: Doug, that's for ears.
Doug: Ears. Right. I'm not stupid.

Dr. Kelso: Perry, are you familiar with Sacred Heart's community service program?
Dr. Cox: Bobby, lately I've noticed you don't listen to a single word people say, so my reply to your question is I think you're the world's biggest jackass and I look forward to your death.
Dr. Kelso: Well, you must not be familiar with it because you're the only staff member not to have completed his 24-hour mandatory community service. Consider yourself suspended until you do. Oh, and I'm never dying.

Dr. Molly Clock: Crab claw.
Elliot: Did you just pinch my arm fat?
Dr. Molly Clock: Yeah, does it make you mad?
Elliot: I don't know, it was kind of a-
Dr. Molly Clock: Crab claw.
Elliot: What are you doing!?
Dr. Molly Clock: I'm moving to Milwaukee for a psychiatric fellowship, and by pinching your arm I'm making you angry instead of feeling overwhelmed with sadness that I'm leaving.

Elliot: I can't believe she's leaving.
Turk: Hospital just lost its second-hottest employee.
Carla: Don't think you can drool all over her just because you rank me number one.
Turk: Baby, Nurse Tisdale's number one. You g- You gotta be single to be on the list.
Elliot: You actually rank the women of this hospital by their appearance?
J.D.: Calm down, Twelve.
Elliot: Yes, top twenty.

J.D.: [v.o.] And that's how Molly and I ended up alone on the couch, watching that unbelievably romantic scene from 16 Candles.
The Donger: [on TV] The Donger need food.
J.D.: [v.o.] No, not that one. This one.
Jake: [on TV] Happy birthday, Samantha.
[J.D. and Molly kiss]
J.D.: [v.o.] God bless Molly Ringwald. And this Molly. Ah, the hell with it. God bless Mollys everywhere.

Turk: Dude, now that I have adjusted your fuel valve, your scooter is going to fly.
J.D.: Speaking of things that are fly, I made out with Molly last night. I know that was kind of a lame segue, but I've been with you all morning and you've yet to use the words "make" or "out."

J.D.: Hey, Elliot, I was making out some prescription orders and speaking of making out...
Elliot: She already told me, J.D.
J.D.: Oh, damn, I was afraid that was gonna get out. Does anybody else know that I totally made out with Molly? Up here!
Elliot: Now that you made out with my best friend, that makes us not even again. So go get me some cotton balls and a toe separator. Mama needs a pedicure.
J.D.: Elliot, once you're even, you can't just go back to being not even. That ain't new, girl.
Elliot: Admit we're not even or I'll make you pay.
J.D.: [chuckles] Yeah, now that we're friends and there's no chance of us ever having sex again, there's really not a whole lot I "need" from you, okay? So go head and give it your best shot. [hops on a passing gurney] Andale, Juan!