Turk: So the staff shrink says that Mr. Swick has Capgras syndrome. It's a brain disorder. Basically it means that he thinks everyone in his life has been replaced by an identical impostor.
Howie: That's wicked cool.
Turk: I know, dude! If we sent the twins from radiology in there, his brain would explode. But still, I think it's more important that we try and figure out what he ingested. You know, so he doesn't die.
Howie: Yeah, fine.

Turk: It's hard to believe that we were interns eight years ago, you know.
Elliot: What? Oh, sorry. My patient, Robyn, has really got into my head so I'm looking over her case history.
Turk: Yeah, that's crazy boring to me. So you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna just continue my conversation.
Elliot: All the signs point to anorexia.
Turk: Do you like being a doctor?
Elliot: Maybe I just want to believe her.
Turk: I love being a doctor. It's not like all of those other jobs where you just sit on your ass all day. You actually get to do things.

Howie: Mr. Swick, I want to commend you for not disclosing what you ingested before because, well, you were actually talking to my impostor.
Mr. Swick: I knew it.
Howie: And I'm impressed cause the differences are subtle. You see, his voice sounds like this. And my voice sounds like this.
Mr. Swick: I heard it.
Howie: Anyway, what don't you just tell me what you took before he comes back?
[later:]
Howie: I tricked his ass! Someone give me some!
Todd: Look, I came from home because I couldn't sleep. Howie, I've decided I am not comfortable with you giving high fives. Even when I'm not here.
Howie: But I just totally nailed a diagnosis.
Todd: The fact that I'm not making a tremendous sex joke right now about who or what I nailed tonight should tell you how serious I am.

Elliot: You know what? I'm spending so much time focusing on Robyn's past I'm prejudicing myself. I mean, if I just looked at her admission form from this morning. "Young woman who has undergone a drastic weight loss even though she says she's been eating." Well, I'd know exactly what to look for.
Turk: Handle your business. I'll go check on the interns.

[Turk finds Katie fitting a cone around a patient's head]
Turk: Katie, no.
Katie: But it works.
Turk: I said no! He's human.

Turk: Everything all good in here?
Derek: You know it. But I'm getting some bubbles coming out with the fluid. Is that supposed to happen?
Turk: No. Step back, please. Thank you. Mrs. Emmett, I need you to hold still. You might have a collapsed lung.
Denise: Quick, tell him that's impossible cause you're the greatest doctor in the world.

Elliot: [sighs] When she wakes up, I have to tell her.
Turk: Elliot, maybe it won't be so bad. You know, we made a lot of headway with HIV. It's not a death sentence anymore. Check on Mr. Maller over here. He found out he was HIV-positive today. [the man cheers] All right, admittedly, he's not psyched about that. He's actually watching sports on his computer. Elliot, my point is maybe it won't be that hard telling Robyn she has the "hivvie".
Elliot: Hivvie?
Turk: I heard somebody say it and I thought I was kinda cool. Sounds like a dance the kids do nowadays.

Derek: Mrs. Emmett, we can't drain the fluid in your chest until we repair your collapsed lung.
Mrs. Emmett: How did I get a collapsed lung?
Derek: That happened when I tried to drain the fluid. I'm sorry.
Mrs. Emmett: Okay but when it's fixed, I want the procedure to be done by a real doctor.
Denise: So how long is it before you become a real doctor? Is it soon?
Derek: Back off, okay?
Denise: Come on, when you act all hurt, it ruins all the fun for me.

Katie: I'm so sorry we have to strap your arms down. Please know, I'm just trying to help. [the patient spits at Katie's face]
[later:]
Elliot: Hey, Katie.
Katie: I can't really talk right now.
Turk: Looks like someone got her first face spitting.

Elliot: Gotta tell you what else I don't like about being a doctor. The patients. Sometimes they're great. But sometimes, like you said, they just lie through their teeth.
[meanwhile:]
Howie: I need you to guzzle this Mucomyst to counteract the effects of the acetaminophen overdose.
Mr. Swick: It wasn't acetaminophen. There was a guy in here before pretending to be you, so I lied to him to throw him off the trail.
Howie: Dude, you're killing me!