Elliot: When I was in high school, I went to Europe for a month and I forgot to take my birth control pills, so I took like thirty the day I got home.
J.D.: What happened?
[flashback: Elliot has shaving foam on her hand as she looks at her thick beard in the mirror:]
Woman: [o.s.] Elliot! Your homecoming date is here!
Elliot: Uh, stall him! [shaves]
[present:]
Elliot: Nothing.

J.D.: [v.o.] The news of Turk's successful surgery had spread quickly. He was the stud of the hospital.
[fantasy:]
Turk: [sings] Who's the black surgeon you know that just repaired an artery like a pro?
All: Turk!
Turk: That's right, baby. Who is the doc that won't cop out when no attendings are about?
All: Turk!
Turk: Right on.
[reality:]
J.D.: Turk!
Turk: What?
J.D.: Wow. You must be dancing on the wind right now. That sounded straighter in my head.

J.D.: Why didn't you just tell him you were a doctor?
Elliot: I don't know. I guess I just still don't feel like a doctor, you know? I mean, that whole thing with Turk today really got me thinking. Like, I've ran codes before, but there's always been someone right there ready to bail me out. Like, I've never had that one defining, sink-or-swim moment. Have you?
J.D.: Yeah, but I didn't, like, make a big deal out of it.
[flashback to a school reunion:]
Man: I was just made partner at my law firm. I drive a Beemer. And this is my wife.
J.D.: Oh, well, this is Mr. Booker. He's alive because of me.
Mr. Booker: I thought you said there'd be some bitches here?
J.D.: We just got here! Look around!
[present:]
J.D.: We actually had a fun night until he urinated all over my rental car.

J.D.: You're an actor.
Janitor: You're a fireman! What are we doing?
J.D.: Game over, Klaus. I saw you in The Fugitive.
Janitor: Oh, yeah, yeah. I was in a Harrison Ford movie, but, you know what, I chose this life instead 'cause it's a little more glamorous.
Dr. Kelso: Hey, champ. There's some vomit on the back steps with your name on it.
Janitor: Well, that's my cue. Action! [hums the Lone Ranger theme]

[As Turk drives J.D. and Carla to work:]
Carla: Baby?
Turk: Hm?
Carla: What do you think about getting pregnant right after the wedding?
[fantasy:]
Turk: [jumps out] See ya!
J.D.: Carla, you can't ask a guy that while he's driving.
Carla: My bad.
J.D.: Yes, it was your bad, Carla.
[The car goes off the road and crashes]

Turk: Uh, where's Dr. Wen? This patient's ready to go.
Woman: [over intercom] He just called. He got in a car accident, so he can't make it.
Turk: Don't you play with me, intercom lady, I will find you!
Woman: Relax. Dr. DiStefano is on-call.
Turk: Thank God. We just dodged a bullet because, look, I am nowhere near ready to perform this type of procedure solo. I would have been terrified, you guys would have sensed it, and it would have been a horrible experience for all of us.
Woman: Dr. DiStefano is stuck in surgery. It's all on you, Dr. Turk.
Turk: Big piece of cake! Who's with me? Come on!

Turk: Dude, today I had to sink or swim all on my own; and guess what? A brother swam.
J.D.: Ha, that is so fabulous!
J.D.: [v.o.] What is wrong with me today!?

Turk: Dr. Wen! I was scared when you didn't show up, but your car accident turned out to be the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Dr. Wen: My wife broke both her legs.
Turk: Heh, still.
J.D.: Maybe it's just Buddha's way of telling her to slow down a little, you know?

Turk: Man, I hope you haven't eaten yet, because I'm about to force-feed you a can of my homemade whoop-ass!
Carla: Miguel doesn't speak English, baby. [speaks Spanish]... whoop-ass!
Turk: Thanks, sweetness!

Dr. Cox: Hey, look, Gandhi, now just because you broke out your little Fisher-Price surgery set and somehow managed to not kill somebody for once, doesn't mean you're queen of the world.
Turk: You think you could do better, old man?
Dr. Cox: Watch and learn. [jumps] How's that taste? Is it delicious? Oh? [lands; bones crack]
Dr. Cox: [v.o.] Oh, Lord. My back.
Carla: Are you okay?
Dr. Cox: Come on, I'm simply posing so your boyfriend can get a picture of me for his "People Who Make Me Feel Like a Little Girl" scrapbook. Hah! [whimpers] Oh, God.