Carla: My point is, we don't know what the future holds.
Turk: Yeah, well, I know what my future holds, if I hold this fart in any longer.
J.D.: [v.o.] I wonder what would happen.
[fantasy:]
Carla: Fine. Let me move out the way!
Turk: Alright, everybody clear back!
[As Turk farts, he is blown through the roof of the hospital up into the sky. He then falls back down.]
[reality:]
J.D.: If only I had a saddle, I could have ridden you.

Janitor: Ah! Hand cramp. Ow, ow, ow, ow.
[After the Janitor places the fish bowl on the floor, J.D. finally opens the door, sending the fish bowl swinging towards the wall where it shatters.]
J.D.: You think that's funny? Making me kill that helpless little animal? If you didn't wanna hold it for me you could have put it on the counter.
Janitor: Me? No! You, you were... I tried... I had to... Ray-Raay? I started to...
Fish: It's so cold!
Janitor: Roger? Rog? Stay with me buddy!
Fish: This isn't Nam. Go get me some water.

J.D.: [v.o.] Knowing Brian had turned a corner allowed us had to get back to our own pressing issues.
Turk: I can't believe you are pissed about Stacy. If I could go back in time and unsleep with her I would!
J.D.: Well, unfortunately she's dead, Turk! Congratulations! You win again.

Carla: I don't care what you say, I'm as funny as anybody else in this place.
[Carla slams her fist on the coffee table, sending a cup flying at Ted]
Ted: Aww.
Dr. Cox: That was actually pretty good!

Elliot: Hey Brian, wait up. You accidentally left that shrink's phone number in your room's trash can.
Brian: Um, whoops, okay. You gonna stop finding all my notes.
Elliot: You know what really helped me when I went through this?
Brian: Elliot, you didn't go through this. You went for a leisurely afternoon drown and you got hit in the face with a paddle.
Elliot: I spent my entire childhood as an awkward, lonely outcast with a floozy mom who liked to talk about how fat I was. I had zero self-esteem. I struggled with that for years. I still do. But the only difference between the two of us, is that I was smart enough to know that it's never too late to come back from.
Brian: I can't be what I used to be.
Elliot: I don't even know that guy. I know this guy, and I like him.
Brian: Okay, let me ask you something. I keep working on my rehab, and I get my act together. You think someone like you could go for someone like me?
Elliot: Yeah! [kisses Brian]
Brian: If you are ever single, I'm looking you up.
Elliot: I hope you do.