Jack: My mommy had an abortion. My mommy had an abortion.
Dr. Cox: [to nurse] How you doin'?

Carla: [on the phone] Put Turk on the phone, dammit! Baby! Listen. I'm not angry that you got stuck, I know you were just trying to be nice, because you're a good-hearted, wonderful, thoughtful man. But listen to me: They're giving me a C-section, and I'm really scared. And I need you to be here right now!

Janitor: Something about a C-section. Smile!
[later:Turk and the Janitor drag the ice machine to the operating room:]
Turk: Almost there.
Janitor: Almost there.
Turk: Baby! I'm here!
Carla: Turk! I'm scared!
Nurse: Sorry, Dr. Turk. No ice machines.
Turk: No!

Jordan: I was nineteen and working on Nantucket as a waitress, and dating this amazing guy named Andy. With curly blond hair and dimples and eyes that were either sky blue, powder blue. I could never figure out which... Anyway, his best friend, Curt, knocked me up. Don't look at me like that. That was the first guy I had ever slept with.
J.D.: Oh, we're not judging you.
J.D.: [v.o.] Whore!
Jordan: I think about it from time to time, but it would have been the biggest mistake to have that baby.
Kim: We've talked, we've made lists, and we've been as logical as we can here, and we've still got nothin'.
Jordan: It's not a logical decision. If it's right, you'll feel it in your heart.
J.D.: Yeah, but what if we don't feel anything?
Jordan: Maybe that's your answer.

Dr. Cox: Jordan, you, you okay?
Jack: My mommy had an abortion.
Jordan: She sure did, sweetie. How are my boys?

Turk: Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to Isabella Turk. I'm a daddy. I'm a daddy!

Kim: All right, so then what's the final tally?
J.D.: Nice. Let's see, that's twenty cons and nineteen pros. I guess we gotta abort.
Kim: Yep.
J.D.: Wait, I'm sorry. That's an eyelash, I made a wish. It's a tie. Abortion's off.
Kim: Okay, so now what?