J.D.: [v.o.] And then I realized why I'd thought about Sesame Street all day. In a way, you can learn everything you need to know from watching it as a kid. Like, always play nice.
Katie: Oh, please. I've got Dr. Reid wrapped around my finger. I'm going to be fine around here.
J.D.: [v.o.] Always try your hardest.
Intern: Hey, are you going to the hematology lecture tonight?
Ed: No can do, other Indian guy. 'bout to go get me some pizza.
J.D.: [v.o.] And even, "It's okay to cry."
Denise: Yeah, you were right. He didn't last long at all. [sees J.D.] Oh, didn't expect the waterworks. See you tomorrow.
Elliot: It's going to be a long year.

J.D.: [v.o.] As usual, Turk and I were working our asses off.
J.D.: Oh, man. You and Izzy are here. I wanted to watch... [Sesame Street is on] Oh, nice, it's already on.
Turk: It's a good one. The letter is J.

J.D.: [v.o.] And Dr. Cox was once again torturing the new interns.
Dr. Cox: Oh, before we start rounds today, who watches Deal Or No Deal? Get out! And you, Legally Blonde. Name the three possible causes of this patient's hematemasis.
Katie: Peptic ulcer disease, esophageal varices, or Zollinger-Ellison syndrome?
Dr. Cox: That's actually correct.
Katie: Yes.
Dr. Cox: And if you're wondering why I say "actually", you've proven to be such a vapid, helpless incompetent, that for you to say something correct is a wild departure from the norm, therefore I decided I had better pick a word that drew attention to the fact that it was such an extraordinary occurrence, and I- I went ahead and chose "actually".

Ed: Zwah!
Dr. Cox: Who made that noise?
Ed: Oh. I did. I'm a little tired of her chipper attitude. So it was cool to see you just slam her. So I just went "Zwah!"
Dr. Cox: So, if I were to ask you a question like "What is the next diagnostic move in checking for Zollinger Ellison?" and you didn't know, I would say "Zwah!".
Ed: Nope. 'cause I know the answer. Esephago-gastro-duodenoscopy. Zwah!
Dr. Cox: Good, but mark my words. I will zwah you by the end of the day. Now, since the rest of your brains are so tiny, from now on, I will speak like a caveman. You, bad doctors. Me, good doctor. You, follow.

Elliot: Hey, did you guys heard they're starting to interview for the new Chief of Medicine?
Janitor: Actually, they already found someone.
Oscar the Grouch: That's right, knuckleheads. There's a new chief in town!
Janitor: That was a mistake.
Oscar the Grouch: I'll be watching you, John Dorian. And guess what. My eyes never close.
Janitor: Mine neither. Actually, they do. That was a lie.
[reality:]
J.D.: I grew up on the street. No, not the hood. The Sesame Street.

Dr. Cox: Patient. Iron high. Heart swollen big. You. What make sick?
Denise: Hmm, could it be hemochromatosis?
Dr. Cox: Correct. Rounds. Over. You. Go.

J.D.: Thoughts on the beard?
Dr. Cox: I like it.
J.D.: Thank you, Perry.
Dr. Cox: Course, I'm totally in favor of anything that covers up parts of your face that were previously uncovered.
J.D.: Yay! You hurt my feelings!

Elliot: So, which intern are each of you guys gonna choose this year to be your personnal protege/lackey? I'm going with Katie, because she's not a jerk anymore. Plus, we got the same hair.

J.D.: At first, I thought I was going to mentor both Neil and Garett, because they always ask me to go roller blading.
Elliot: [to Dr. Cox] Let it go, we don't have the time.
J.D.: And then I thought, why not pick a woman? How about a little feminine energy in my life?
Elliot: Oh, you mean like the kind of energy that seeps out of every pore in your body?
J.D.: Elliot, why?
Elliot: You knew that he was going to say that, I thought that would hurt less coming from me.

Dr. Cox: It's Ed?
Ed: Sometimes, I go by Big Ed.
Dr. Cox: So, Ed, after you place a central line one that patient, come and find me, and let me know whether or not you killed him.
Ed: Big Ed.