Elliot: [on the phone] Sean, I'm just bummed that I'm so busy I might not be able to do this clown thing today. I know I'm a doctor first, but what about that summer I spent at clown academy? I mean, it's starting to seem like that was just a giant waste of time. I wish you were here. I can't believe you've been in New Zealand for 5 months.
Sean: I can't believe you still haven't figured out the time difference. It's 4 A.M. here!
Elliot: I'm sorry. It's just I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you. I even miss that weird way you sleep with your eyes open. [Sean snores and drops the phone] Sean? Sean!

Dr. Miller: May I have a quick moment? Mm, excuse us.
Turk: [v.o.] What now, you mean witch?
Dr. Miller: I'm sorry, but if you act like a cartoon character in front of one of our patients again, I'm gonna spend the next ten years introducing you as the guy who sponges off my forehead. Okay, we're done. Bryan, Dr. Turk is gonna take you back to your room.
Dr. Cox: That was- That was glorious.
Dr. Miller: Okay.

Turk: You didn't mind that cocky stuff, did ya?
Brian: No, I love "Bry-Bry". Never had a nickname before.
Turk: Well, lemme tell you something : there's plenty more where that came from, Killer B!

Dr. Cox: Look, I like you, so here's some advice: Never, ever do anything with Bob Kelso. Don't talk to him, don't look at him, don't even associate with guys his age on the outside chance that they just shared a steam together in that never ending Klan meeting that they call a "country club"; right? He is pure evil.
Dr. Miller: I'll remember that. Not the crazy "where the hell is he going with this?" ranting, but you know, the gist: the Bob Kelso-bad part.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough.

Turk: Nurse Espinosa, would you mind getting me some sugar, stat.
Carla: Why, yes, Doctor. [they kiss]
Brian: Wow, this hospital rocks. Did you two just meet?
Turk: No. We're getting married.
Carla: Yep, the invitations went out today.
Turk: Yes, you know they did, baby. Invitations went out today. [Carla leaves] No, they didn't.

Carla: So how far over the creek did you make it?
J.D.: I don't know the exact distance in terms of feet and inches, but in laymen's terms, I would have to say about halfway.
Dr. Cox: Never stop peddling, Annie. You are a shoo-in for the Little Girl X-Games.

Elliot: Mrs. Bell, uh...
Mrs. Bell: How'd I end up with him?
Elliot: Yes. See, I've got this boyfriend, except he's all the way in New Zealand and, well, how did you know that Mr. Bell was the right guy for you?
Mrs. Bell: Kurt was the one that was always there for me. And at the end of the day, that's who you want. The guy who shows up when you need him, without having to ask.

J.D.: Dr. Reid couldn't be here today, children, so I'm here in her place.
Brad: Why're your pants so tight? Clowns have baggy pants.
J.D.: Well, Brad, I'm the type of clown that likes to wear tight pants.
Brad: But the other clown has baggy pants.
J.D.: What other clown?
Janitor: Hello, old friend.
J.D.: Janitor.

Turk: [v.o.] Man, the way Dr. Miller stares makes me all itchy. What can I say to let her know I'm in control?
Turk: Have you ever slept with a black man?
Dr. Miller: Just finish the procedure please.
Turk: [v.o.] That's a yes! And now her mind will drift back to that wonderful day. Wait for it. [Dr. Miller looks off into the distance] And there it is.
Turk: Dr. Miller, please, feel free to drift off. Although there is a lot of bleeding.
Dr. Miller: You lacerated the brachial artery. Move out of the way.

Dr. Miller: Look, you made a mistake. Every one of us has made a mistake. You should consider yourself lucky. Instead of losing his arm he'll just have some nerve damage and limited use of his right hand. It could have been a lot worse. If you want I'll even tell him for you.
Turk: He's a concert pianist.
Dr. Miller: Oh. You tell him.