Turk: Check out Cox and Kelso fighting over Dr. New Girl!
[fantasy: Dr. Cox and Dr. Kelso are pulling on Dr. Miller's arms]
Dr. Cox: Bobby, give me a break.
Dr. Kelso: No, she's coming with me!
Dr. Cox: Like you'll get near this.
Dr. Kelso: I want her.
Dr. Cox: Too late for you. She's mine!
[After the tear off Dr. Miller's arms, they start hitting each other with them]
[reality:]
Turk: She'll have to get one of those cars you drive with your feet.

Dr. Miller: Has anyone seen Dr. Kelso? We're supposed to leave for that luncheon.
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's strange. Because I remember having a conversation with you about this very subject. Never do anything with him, pure evil, ringing any bells?
Dr. Miller: Just the one in my head that goes off when I'm incredibly bored.
Dr. Kelso: Wow, Perry, people usually don't stop caring about what you have to say 'til after they've been here a few months. Oh, no he didn't. That's the correct use of that phrase, right?
Dr. Miller: I don't know, sir.

Dr. Cox: Well, now, you are looking slim. Are those new scrubs? Or is it the fact you no longer have a soul?
Dr. Miller: What's your problem?
Dr. Cox: Come on, the only reason Kelso wanted you at that dinner is because he knows standing next to a pretty doctor will get his picture in all the medical journals. Assuming his image actually shows up in photographs.

[J.D. is still dressed as a clown as he delivers bad news to a family:]
J.D.: You're just upset because it's never easy to give someone bad news. Unfortunately your grandfather's bowel burst, causing a severe sepsis. We were unable to save him. I'm so sorry. [J.D.'s bow-tie spins around] Again, I'm- I'm very sorry.
Elliot: J.D., what are you doing?
J.D.: Oh, just breaking some bad news, circus style.

Turk: [v.o.] So I didn't tell him. It's not like it would change anything.
Carla: Christopher!
Turk: "Christopher"? You only call me Christopher when you're mad or when we're having sex. Baby, are you mad when we're having sex?
Carla: Sometimes. Come. Let's take a walk.
Turk: [v.o.] Oh, this is bad. Okay, what did I do? Think. I accidentally got her a present on my ex-girlfriend's birthday. I referred to that new cute nurse as a young Carla Espinosa. Damn, that was stupid. I've been known to leave my toenail clippings on her throw pillow. Oh, and I forgot to put the toilet seat down last night and she bruised her butt. Wow, why is she marrying me? Marrying me. Oh, God. She knows I haven't mailed the invites.
Carla: I thought you might want to talk to Bryan before you went home.
Turk: How'd you know?
Carla: Who you talkin' to? Get in there.

Dr. Kelso: Ahh, there's my dinner buddy! Shall we head out?
Dr. Miller: Oh, no, no, no. I'm not going. I have a date. And even if I didn't, I don't think I'd want to go to a snooze-fest with a bunch of drunk proctologists just so you could get your picture in the latest edition of Bend Over Weekly.
Dr. Kelso: A simple "I'm busy" would have sufficed.
Dr. Cox: Big boys don't cry, there, Bobbo.

Brian: I could never get a girl like that.
Turk: Why?
Brian: Well, girls don't usually go for the piano-playing power geek.
Turk: Are you a good pianist?
Turk: [v.o.] Pianist. [laughs]
Brian: Yeah, I got a scholarship to Juilliard.
Turk: Bry-Bry, you're in the money! Girl's love the artsy type. You'll be getting more tail than you know what to do with.
Brian: Oh, okay.
Turk: "Tail" is sex, Brian.
Brian: Oh, awesome!

J.D.: [v.o.] I guess I could go home. But there's plenty of important stuff I need to do around here.
J.D.: Hey, Laverne. What'd you give me if I get this jelly bean into your cleavage?
Nurse Roberts: A concussion.

Elliot: Guys, three long years of busting my hump at this place and it has finally paid off.
J.D.: You got the fellowship?
Elliot: No, I get to be the clown in Pediatrics.
Carla: Hey! That old clown was really good. So, uh, you got some really big shoes to fill. [nobody laughs] Dammit, I'm funny.

[J.D. throws a jellybean into Laverne's cleavage:]
J.D.: Yes! He hits it at the buzzer!
Nurse Roberts: Oh, no he didn't.
[Laverne pushes J.D. off the counter, jumps up there and then dives onto J.D.]
[reality:]
J.D.: Not worth it.