Turk: [v.o.] Okay, just go in there and get it over with.
Turk: Hey, Bry-Bry! What's the happie-haps!
Brian: My hand is feeling really weird.
Turk: Ummm, about that...
Turk: [v.o.] "I made a mistake"! Just say it! I made a mistake!
Turk: I'm not really too sure on the specifics, but, uh, apparently there were some complications.
Turk: [v.o.] Ah, ya big chicken.

J.D.: Okay, kids, I've never made balloon animals before, but raise your hand if you like your eels.
Janitor: You're a horrible clown.
J.D.: Save it for the post-show, Lurch.
[The Janitor knocks J.D. over and does a silly dance]
J.D.: I think what Angry, Disturbed Clown is trying to teach us is that it's never funny to push!
[The Janitor does it again]

Lonnie: Mr.Millican just died, and his family needs to be notified. Since I'm still kind of new at this, I was hoping you could do it.
J.D.: So you steal my research project and now you want me to do your dirty work?
Lonnie: Dr. Cox told me if you said that to say, "That's right, Melinda."

Carla: How you doing?
Turk: Babe, I've never screwed up a kid's life before. I mean, I've had minor slip-ups, and that watch you gave me for Christmas might still be inside Mr. Conte, but... nothing like this.
Carla: That watch is inside Mr. Conte? Well, thank God. All this time I thought you didn't like it. But we're talking about you. And you, honey, you did a courageous thing. You took responsibility for your actions, right?
Turk: [v.o.] No, I didn't.
Turk: Yes, I did.

Dr. Miller: Why are you smiling?
Dr. Cox: Oh, I don't know, I guess I'm just glad you wound up in my camp.
Dr. Miller: Yeah, I'm an adult, I don't actually go to camp. Listen, if Dr. Kelso had asked me to go somewhere that I thought was actually good for my career, I'd be gone so fast you'd be left here staring at an imaginary woman's chest while she was trying to make a point.
Dr. Cox: I'm- I'm sorry, you're right, it's my fault. That dress just screams "respect me as a doctor."
Dr. Miller: You try and paint Dr. Kelso as this jackass who turns on people who don't do his bidding, when you were ready to write me off just for having lunch. So honestly? How are you any different?
Dr. Cox: I'm taller than he is?
Dr. Miller: Hmm. Feel free to watch me leave.

Turk: [v.o.] It's weird. Just by the simple act of pushing me to do the right thing, I remembered why Carla's the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. End of story.
J.D.: You did it. [shakes Turk's hand and pats him on the back]
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, man, what a long day.

J.D.: [v.o.] Still, any day can be salvaged by drinking a few cold ones with a good friend.
J.D.: Awesome. Judge Dredd is starting.
Elliot: You still have a little clown makeup on you.
J.D.: Elliot, it's The Judge, please.
Elliot: Fine, I'll get it.
J.D.: [v.o.] What the hell is she doing? It's The Judge. Oh.
[Elliot and J.D. start to kiss]

J.D.: I can't find the clasp.
Elliot: What?
J.D.: The clasp. The clasp.
Elliot: I switched to frontsies.
J.D.: Naughty.
Elliot: Position one, two, or three?
J.D.: We only had two.
Elliot: Oh, yeah. Well, I have something to show you later.

J.D.: [v.o.] It's a mystery how one woman can drive you crazy over and over again. While another can bring you right back down to earth. In the end, you have to trust that the perfect woman will always lead you in the right direction.
[As Turk and Carla play pool at a bar]
Carla: So did you ever get the guts to mail the invitations?
[Turk hits the ball off the table]

J.D.: Look, Elliot, I don't want to jinx this, but, how did that just happen?
Elliot: You were a clown for me. You were there when I needed you without me even having to ask.
[J.D. and Elliot kiss. Sean knocks on the door]
Both: Sean.
Elliot: Oh, my God. When did you get back from New Zealand?
Sean: Something in your voice told me that you needed me. So I just, I decided to show up, even though you didn't even ask. [carries Elliot out] Good to see ya, J.D. Hey, you switched to frontsies!