Johnny: Well, I don't want to second guess your publicity skills here, Alexis, but I don't think it would hurt to tilt the scales in our favour. When we wanted to impress people at Rose Video...
Roland: [groans] Okay. Coffee break.
Johnny: We'd sometimes hire actors who would come in as plants, pretending to be...
Alexis: Customers! Yes! Walk around, talk up whatever they're paid to talk up. I know, I was once paid to talk up Heartblaster Energy Drink at a Third Eye Blind concert.

Alexis: You're really good at this. It reminds me of when I was in Bangkok. There was this amazing little Resto-Lounge that specialized in Tahitian food, and scalp massages.
Ted: I'm not sure what's more disgusting, what I'm doing right now, or the concept for that restaurant.
Alexis: It was a Resto-Lounge.

Alexis: Um, honestly, Twy, ixnay on the ongsay. Because I tried it once and the guy ripped the guitar out of my hands and he just started smashing it on the ground. Granted, I'm tone deaf and he was a- He was a super angry marine, but-
Ted: Just let the girl write her boyfriend a song.
Alexis: Okay, I know! And I'm all for it, I'm all for it. I just think it's, um, I think it's a super big mistake.

David: I don't wanna have to bring this up, but it's my turn to take a selfish.
Alexis: No, David,
David: Yes, it is.
Alexis: You selfished last time.
David: No. Dubai, 2010, I had to pick you up from that blind date that went terribly wrong. It was a total disaster. It's my turn, and I wanna go to a yoga class.