Johnny: What about lamps? The lamps at the motel have those, uh, little bulbs. These are old-fashioned big bulb lamps.
Moira: I don't see any bulbs here.
Johnny: No, there aren't. But the point is, we can get big bulbs if we have big bulb lamps.

David: So you're looking for me to style Jocelyn?
Roland: Well, actually, this is supposed to be a surprise. So I was kinda thinking that maybe um, you and me could just go out and do a little uh, shopping together on the down low.
David: Y- Yeah, yeah. That, um... No, we could to that, we could do that at some point.
Roland: Oh, great!
David: Yeah. Yeah.
Roland: Good, that's terrific. So then, whenever's good for you.
David: Okay, great. [Roland stands about] So you wanna- So you wanna go now?
Roland: It's a little time sensitive, that's the only thing.
David: Yeah, okay, well, I take it you have measurements, and a mood board, then?

Jocelyn: Ooh, look at that mattress!
Johnny: Well, there you go, what a find.
Moira: Poor dear. Enchanted by a death bed.

Jocelyn: This is a brand new mattress, it's still in the plastic!
Moira: What?!
Jocelyn: Yeah! And it's memory foam! This must've cost a fortune!
Johnny: Well, you're just gonna have to bid on it.
Moira: John, why didn't you see that mattress first?! That's something we could actually use!
Johnny: I'll use the cufflinks!

David: Well, this might be the closest we're gonna get to Meryl. You know, if she got fired from her job at the magazine, and started walking the streets.

Wendy: Missing Peter Pan?
David: I'm sorry?
Wendy: Well, because I see a couple of "Lost Boys." Hi, I'm Wendy. Are we shopping for a mother, a girlfriend?
Roland: Actually, my wife.
David: Yeah, we've got it under control though, so thank you so much.
Wendy: Oh well, very well, then. If you need me, I'll be right here. I know how hard it can be for two men in a women's clothing store.
Roland: Well, I'm actually in really good hands, because this man has a woman's touch.
David: I don't I don't know what that means.

David: Okay, so we're going with these two pieces.
Wendy: Oh, well, I have to ask, is this for a funeral? Because we do offer bereavement discounts.
David: No, why would you think that?
Wendy: Well, just very sombre, serious pieces.
Roland: Well, we don't want that.

Roland: Would you describe either of those as "quick release?"
Wendy: Funnily enough, both have snaps.
Roland: Oh, great.

Moira: Do you remember what we used to sleep on? Texas Kings!

Ray: Sold, to Jocelyn Schitt, for $201 dollars.
Moira: Fuck.