Chris: Ann Perkins. Can I ask your advice on something?
Ann: Sure. Recently in a moment of weakness, I had sex with Bobby Newport's campaign manager Jennifer Barkley.
Ann: Seriously?
Chris: Yes. Several times. And then several more times. And then a couple more times. And then one more time.
Ann: How has this been going on?
Chris: Oh, it was just last night. Now, I know it's a one-night stand and that she's leaving town, but our ferocious sexual decathlon did radically improve my mood. And I kind of like to see her again before she leaves. Good idea? Bad idea?
Ann: I don't know. I guess the campaign's over, so... I suppose it couldn't hurt.
Chris: Ann Perkins.

Leslie Knope: I don't know. I feel like I'm forgetting something. What about my speeches?
Ben: Finished both of them last night. One if you win, one if you lose.
Leslie Knope: What if I tie? You need to write a tie-speech for me, something about the poetic nature of democracy and how I'm going fight this thing from my prison cell.
Ben: Leslie, relax. We're done. All that's left is the waiting. Okay?

Ron Swanson: Another, Dana, please and thank you.
Jerry: Ron, I handed out 1,000 leaflets today. That is a personal best. Now I'm off to vote.
Ron Swanson: The polls are closed.
Jerry: What? No, no, no. I thought that they close at 8:00.
Ron Swanson: 6:00.
Jerry: Oh, my God. Ron, I didn't get to vote for Leslie. Oh, my God, what do I do?
Ron Swanson: Nothing you can do. Except hope Leslie doesn't lose by one vote.
Perd Hapley: [on TV] 9% of precincts reporting, and it's razor-thin and getting razor-thinner.
Jerry: Oh, boy.

Chris: Jen Barkley.
Jennifer Barkley: Hey. What are you doing here? That was fun last night, you old screamer.
Chris: There were moments that I didn't fully understand some of the physical shapes that we were making...
Jennifer Barkley: Mm.
Chris: But the sensations were amazing. So I just went with it.
Jennifer Barkley: Great.
Chris: Well, I thought that we could just talk before you left town if that's okay.
Jennifer Barkley: No, but there's a supply room over there with a futon.
Chris: Great. [unbuttons shirt]
Jennifer Barkley: Not yet. Just wait. We're just getting supplies. Anybody need anything? Pushpins? Okay, good.

Ann: Good. Yes. Nice. Keep punching.
Leslie Knope: Did I hit your boob?
Ann: No.
Leslie Knope: Sorry.
Ann: Great form. Maybe. I have no idea actually. I don't know what I'm doing.
Leslie Knope: Yeah! That was good. I'm exhausted. How long was that?
Ann: 22 seconds.
Leslie Knope: Boy, that's disappointing.

Leslie Knope: Election results, Ann. Ann, Ann, I can't read it.
Ann: Okay.
Leslie Knope: Ann, my hands. My hands, Ann.
Ann: Here.
Leslie Knope: They're in these round gloves.
Ann: Here. Okay. 20% of the precincts reporting. Bobby Newport is up by 140 votes.
Leslie Knope: Okay. Let's get your hands back up.
Ann: Okay. Go another eight seconds.
Leslie Knope: [grunts] Oh, God, I'm so tired.

Leslie Knope: I'm just going to say this. And I realize this after speaking with my best friend and relationship advisor Ann Perkins from the department of health.
Ben: Yes, I know Ann.

Donna: Let's make this fast. I almost made it with Councilman Howser before you interrupted us. Which files did you delete?
April: All of them. I just put the stupid flash drive in, and then I tried to drag everything over, and--
Donna: Fixed it.
Andy: What?
April: What? How?
Donna: Jerry accidentally deletes things all the time. Ten years ago, I installed my own secret backup.
April: You saved us, Donna. I love you.
Donna: Oh. Okay. Bring it in, boy.

Ann: The recount's over. They just called the race.
Leslie Knope: Oh, God.
Ann: It's still 21 votes. But you won. You won, Leslie. You won by 21 votes. It's confirmed. It's over. You won.
Leslie Knope: That was really sneaky, Ann.
Ann: [laughs] I know. I couldn't resist.

Jerry: [sobbing] I didn't ruin it. I thought I ruined it, but I didn't ruin it.
Tom: You're kind of ruining it now.