Andy: I told her it's a matter of life and death. Honey, Donna's been here forever. She's going to know what to do.
April: What if she doesn't? I could get fired. Or even worse, Leslie might give me a lecture on responsibility again, I can't do it.
Andy: I'll tell you what, honey. Here's the deal. You get fired, I'll quit. We'll leave together. I'm serious. Move to a new city. Change our names, burn our fingertips off with acid, swap faces.
April: What?
Andy: If we have to.

Perd Hapley: [v.o. on TV] It's been neck-in-neck, too close to call all night, but now we're ready to make a call in the race for city council. Bobby Newport...
Leslie Knope: Oh, no.
Perd Hapley: Scion of the Sweetums candy empire and amateur go-kart champion has won the race.
Leslie Knope: [laughs hysterically]
Ben: Why are you laughing?
Leslie Knope: [laughs] Because my dream is dead. Oh, oh. Oh, [bleep].

Ben: Recount! There's a recount.
Jennifer Barkley: Oh, come on. It's over. Just concede.
Ben: Newport won by 21 votes. That's well within the margin for a recount.
Jennifer Barkley: Please don't do this. I really want to get out of here. How about this, why don't I make you guys a deal?
Leslie Knope: Okay, there's no deal in the world that we would ever possibly--
Jennifer Barkley: I'll give you Joe Biden's home phone number.
Leslie Knope: Now, hang on. That's interesting.

Andy: Okay. That's good on places to live. Let's go back to dream jobs. If we had to start a new life, I have Detective, FBI agent, policeman, CIA agent. So we need more for you. Let's go.
April: Andy, I--
Andy: It's fun. I'm trying to help you take your mind off of this horrible mistake you made deleting all these files, probably the worst thing to ever happen in Parks and Rec history. You will certainly get fired, and I'm trying to help.
April: God.

Jean-Ralphio: Uh-oh, uh-oh. Did someone just talk about a job opening? Because guess who's got two thumbs and was just cleared from insurance fraud? This guy, you know? [sing-songy] Got off on a technicality What's the gig? I'm in.
Chris: There's no job for you.
Jean-Ralphio: Smart move. Go with your gut. All right? I'll talk to you guys soon.

Leslie Knope: The idea behind this campaign was a simple one: That with hard work and positivity, a group of people can make a difference during my term as your city councilor... [cheers and applause] Thank you. I want to focus on your hopes and not your fears. I want to solve problems instead of creating friction. And I will work hard every hour of every day to make Pawnee a better place to live because I love this city. And I know firsthand, how very special the people of this city are. I owe this victory, all of it, to my friends and my supporters. No one achieves anything alone. So let's embark on a new journey together. Let's break out a map. Not the old, out-of-date one that shows where we've been, but a crisp new one that shows where we might go. Let's embark on a new journey together and see where it takes us. [cheers and applause]

Andy: Great win, great night. Great year. Hot wife. Jackpot. [laughs] Good job, me.
April: Oh, my God. Babe. You know what? Almost everything you wrote on that board as a dream job was some type of police officer.
Andy: Yeah. You ready to go?
April: No, listen to me. How does this sound? "Officer Dwyer, Pawnee PD."

Ben: There you are. Thank God. We're going to get the final results any minute.
Leslie Knope: I know. Do you have both my speeches?
Ben: Yes. You seem calmer than I expected you'd be.
Leslie Knope: I got you something. Let me open it for you. You have to go to Washington.
Ben: I told you I'm turning it down.
Leslie Knope: I was being selfish. You put your whole life on hold for me. The very least I can do is try to return the favor.
Ben: Are you sure about this?
Leslie Knope: We can make it work. I will visit you, then you come visit me. And then I go visit you again. And then we make out in the Lincoln bedroom. And the Jefferson Memorial and the Supreme Court gallery. We'll do it all over Washington.
Ben: Thank you. Where did you get a Washington Monument figurine at midnight on a Tuesday?
Leslie Knope: From my office. I have, like, 50 of them.
Ben: Right.

Leslie Knope: The reason why Bobby and I are appearing together is to send the message that everyone should get out and vote no matter who they're voting for.
Bobby Newport: That's right. Another awesome point by Leslie. That's why I'm voting for you. [laughter] What's so funny?
Leslie Knope: They're laughing at your joke.
Bobby Newport: What joke? I am voting for you.
Leslie Knope: You're not voting for yourself?
Bobby Newport: Leslie, you can't vote for yourself, I don't think. I'm pretty sure that's illegal.
Leslie Knope: Anything else?

Jennifer Barkley: Hey, you did an unbelievable job on this campaign, Ben. My partners back in Washington think so too.
Ben: Well, Leslie gets the credit. Not me.
Jennifer Barkley: Look. Your opponent is legendarily stupid and I phoned it in pretty hard, but you have a knack for this. I'm running Congressman Murray's reelection bid. Ohio, 19. I need someone to coordinate out of D.C. You want to do it?
Ben: Yeah, that sounds great, but the Pacers called, and they're asking me to be their starting point guard.
Jennifer Barkley: I'm being serious, Ben.
Ben: What? What, you trust me with a congressional campaign? Is this a trick?
Jennifer Barkley: No. This is a job offer. Give me your answer soon. I need you in Washington in two days.