Leslie Knope: I can't believe I tried to exploit the Wamapoke for my own personal gain.
Ann: Well, we got most of the artifacts, and even if we didn't, they probably won't find them.
April: Yeah, and if they do, you'll just go to jail. But you can make wine in your toilet and fight people, which is a super-cool way to live.

Leslie Knope: Oh, my God. Tweep. I tweeped. I called Tweep.
[cut to:]
Councilman Jamm: Look, I'm telling the truth here, lady. We haven't found any American Indian artifacts. Or regular Indian. Japanese, Muslim, Jewish, none of those weird countries.
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Weird countries?
Leslie Knope: Shauna Malwae-Tweep. Wow, I'm so glad that you're here. [chuckles] What's going on? Nothing?
Construction Worker: Found something! There's other stuff too. Arrowheads, more pottery. I also found some weird-looking gummy candy.

Ann: Lesie, Ken Hotate is right over there, you need to talk to him before the meeting and come clean.
Leslie Knope: [groans] He's gonna be so mad. The zodiac killer never confessed. Why do I have to?

April: Leslie, I want the Pawnee Commons as bad as you do. Actually, that's not true. You want everything a thousand times more than I do. But we do not want to win this way.
Leslie Knope: Oh, April, I wish you weren't right, but you are. You have turned into a very beautiful, wise, and fertile government employee.
April: Stop.
Ann: It's kind of weird when she just starts raining compliments on you, huh?
April: Don't try to bond with me.
Ann: Can't win.

Tom: I feel bad he didn't get to have his moment last night.
Ben: Hey, you know what we should do for him?
Andy: Yeah, get him a pet snake, but I keep it.
Ben: What?

Leslie Knope: In 1921, several Wamapoke families were removed from their homes so that Pawnee could install a bumper car track. In 1951, Pawnee made it illegal for people to, "Dance or smell like a native American."
Ken Hotate: Why are you telling me all this?
Leslie Knope: Well, I want to raise the bar of awfulness so that when I confess something to you, you have perspective. Those artifacts found at lot 48 were placed there by me. I wanted to delay construction on the Paunch Burger and buy some more time for my park project.
Ken Hotate: [sighs] That is not great.
Leslie Knope: It sucks. I'm very, very sorry. I have great respect for the Wamapoke culture. And this isn't even about the Pawnee Commons. I just hope that you can forgive me, Ken.

Ben: Okay, what we're trying to say is that you are a great guy, and someday, you're gonna meet somebody who's into all the same stuff that you are.
Chris: You know, the old Chris would've loved this super-fit health goddess you guys are talking about. But our great adventure reminded me that now I just want someone that values the important things in life: friendships, passion, happiness. And dimples are a plus.
Andy: Aw, that's sweet. I forgive you, bro. You take care of April.

Ken Hotate: After careful examination, we have determined that these Wamapoke artifacts could not have originated in lot 48.
Councilman Jamm: Boom. Knew it.
Leslie Knope: There's something else. I would like to go on record and say that--
Ken Hotate: Hold on, Ms. Knope. Please. I would like to go on record. Speaking as a citizen of Pawnee, I do not like the way you went back on your deal with Councilwoman Knope. It reminds me of what the settlers of Pawnee did to my ancestors, taking their land without permission.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: He really plays white people like a fiddle. [chuckles] Wow. It's amazing to watch.

Ken Hotate: You and Leslie had a deal. If that deal is not restored, well, I believe there are six Paunch Burgers in the Wamapoke casino. Perhaps it's time that we revisited those contracts.
Kathryn Pinewood: Is that a threat?
Ken Hotate: Why, yes, I-- I thought that was obvious.
Kathryn Pinewood: Take the sign down. We'll wait until everything's official.
Leslie Knope: In the spirit of fair play, I suggest we put on these authentic Wamapoke headdresses and dance around the table.
Councilman Jamm: Absolutely not. That sounds highly offensive.
Ken Hotate: Does it, white man?
Councilman Jamm: No. It's not offensive. So let's do it.
Ken Hotate: You first.
Councilman Jamm: So clearly, this is not offensive.
Ken Hotate: It is offensive.
Councilman Jamm: I am very sorry.
Ken Hotate: Take it off.

Andy: [aside to camera] How great a day was today? [panting] Oh, God, I could die. Greatest day of my life. I met Andrew Luck today. I met Reggie Wayne today. And I met Jim Irsay. I'm standing on the field. Lucas Oil Stadium. And I'm playing football with my friends.