Raul: Yes. And we too are pleased to be here in your dirty alleyway. We thank you for the container of sap, and the bag of garbage.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: His English isn't perfect, so I don't think he realizes how insulting he's being.
[back:]
Raul: We're also sister cities with Kaesong, North Korea. Their town is far nicer.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: That's fine, it's my job. I'm a diplomat. I'm not supposed to take it personally.
[back:]
Raul: We haven't been here for a very long time, but what we have seen is, really, from the bottom of our hearts, truly depressing. Really, really sad stuff.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I mean, that's why people respect Hillary Clinton so much. 'Cause, nobody takes a punch like her. She's the strongest, smartest punching bag in the world.
[back:]
Raul: It's funny because Antonio said to me, "Can we turn this car around and say we're sick or something, or that we lost our way?" Of course, that would be rude to you. [laughs]

Leslie Knope: Okay! Let's get started, shall we? I have a full day of activities planned.
Elvis: I would like to see where the children are fed the sweeteners.
Leslie Knope: A restaurant?
Raul: American children are fattened more efficiently than any other children in the world. I mean, they're like little basketballs. I mean, they're huge, little porkers.
Leslie Knope: Okay.

Tom: Elvis, Oh Henry! Raul, Butterfinger. Antonio, Nestle Crunch with the crispy rice removed. Weird choice, but for you, I got it done.
Raul: Gracias, senor. [tips Tom]
Tom: Gracias.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I find it incredibly demeaning. But guess what? Cash money. I'm gonna make it rain I'm just gonna pick that up real quick.

Leslie Knope: Well, it was tough going, but it was lively. What did you think of the open forum?
Elvis: This meeting of ugly people yelling? It is like torture.
Leslie Knope: That's one perspective.
Raul: In Boraqua, the government moves like a hot knife through butter. Not as this here, listening to people yelling, these fat faces turning all red? Are you kidding me? We're like kings! We walk down the street and they treat us like rock stars. We answer to nobody.
Leslie Knope: Well, in a true democracy, we believe that the input of our citizens is extremely valuable.
Man #2: Hey! These pretzels suck!
Leslie Knope: Thank you. See?
Raul: No wonder nothing ever gets done in this country.
Leslie Knope: Really? Nothing gets done? Tell that to the Golden Gate Bridge. Or American Idol. Or the moon! Oh, wait, you can't, 'cause you've never been there.

Tom: Can I get anyone anything to drink before we start? Coffee? Brandy?
Leslie Knope: I'd love some coffee.
Tom: Anything, guys?
Raul: No.
Tom: Some nuts?
Leslie Knope: I'll have some nuts.
Tom: Gummi Bears?
Leslie Knope: Sure.
Tom: Apple crisps?
Leslie Knope: Yeah.
Tom: Granola bars?
Leslie Knope: I'll take those.
Tom: Nothing? Sure? Okay. I'll be right out there if you need me.

Leslie Knope: Hello, most excellent representatives of the great Parks Department of Boraqua, Venezuela. I am Deputy Director of Parks and Recreation, and Chairwoman of the Departmental Ad-Hoc Sub-Committee for Pit Beautification, Leslie Knope.
Raul: It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Vice-Director Ejecutivo del Diputado del Departamento de Parques, Raul Alejandro Bastilla Pedro de Veloso de Maldonado.
Tom: I'm Tom.
Raul: These are my colleagues, Antonio Rivera-Fonseca, Minister of Small Fountains. And Elvis Correja, Administrator of Hedges.
Leslie Knope: And he is?
Raul: Pay no attention to him. He's our intern, Jhonny. He is worthless. We are quite tired from our trip. Could you have your servant collect our bags, please?
Tom: What'd he call me?
Leslie Knope: Tom, please. It's a different culture, okay? Just be a good host. Do this for me?
Tom: Fine.
Leslie Knope: Yes. We will get our pathetic servant boy to fetch your luggage. Go, boy!

Leslie Knope: I think there might've been a translation problem. When I said party, I meant one that did not include sex for pay. But one that had food and drink and dancing, that sort of thing.
Raul: So, no women?
Leslie Knope: No.
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: Off to kind of a weird start.

Leslie Knope: Oh, we have so much to learn from each other. What kind of birds do you guys eat?
Raul: Chickens.
Leslie Knope: Us, too! Amazing.
Raul: What is this?
Leslie Knope: Water, I'm sorry. Agua.
Raul: In our country, government officials drink only bottled water.
Leslie Knope: Well, I can assure you that that water's very safe to drink.
Raul: [chuckles] No. Bottled, please. Send the boy.
Leslie Knope: Tom, go get water.
Tom: Leslie, come on!
Raul: [tips Tom] For your troubles.
Tom: You got it, Chief.

Elvis: What is your profession?
Mark: I'm a city planner.
Elvis: [laughs] This city was planned? On the drive in, I saw a tattoo parlor, next to a school next to a Taco Bell. It looks like it was designed by a very stupid rodent.
Ann: He's actually a pretty smart rodent.
Mark: Uh-oh!
Elvis: Ah! You have a quick wit. You know what? I've changed my mind, I will have you for the evening.
Ann: Oh! Boy.
Mark: She'll get back to you on that.

Tom: The banana you wanted, senor.
Raul: Ah! Finally. You peel.
Tom: What?
Raul: With your hands, you peel the banana. [tips Tom]