Leslie Knope: Okay, Tom?
Tom: Ron, you look great. Your skin is glowing. I've never seen you so happy.
Leslie Knope: Okay, sit down.

Leslie Knope: Andy.
Andy: Ron, I do not really understand what is going on right now. But no matter what, you must keep going.
Leslie Knope: No.
Andy: You must stop. I love you, buddy. Follow your dreams.
Leslie Knope: Powerful stuff.

Ann: April? What are you doing here?
April: I work for your boyfriend. What are you doing here?
Ann: I came to see why Chris stood me up for lunch, but I think I just figured it out.
April: Because he doesn't like you.
Ann: No, I'm pretty sure that's not it.
April: Actually it's because I didn't call you deliberately. Which, if you ask me, is a fireable offense. So I would tell him that. Also, he's not into you sexually.

Chris: Ann Perkins. April Ludgate. Literally two of my favorite people on earth. I'm sorry that I had to cancel lunch.
Ann: Not at all. It's not a problem. April here was very apologetic on the phone. She also sent me flowers.
Chris: April. Nice touch.

Andy: Hi, Chris. Uh, Ron Swanson has sent me over to deliver to you this document.
Chris: "To whom it may concern, dear Chris, there is an emergency regarding the Parks Department, and April may just be the only person who can help. I can't get into details because it's super-classified. Please release April back to us permanently. God bless America. Love, Burt Macklin, FBI."
Andy: What?
April: Okay. Well, bye.
Chris: April, listen. If you don't want to work for me, I'm not gonna force you. You didn't have to do this.
Andy: She didn't do that. That... that was... Dude, I think it sounds like it was Macklin's call.

Chris: Look, I get it. You're young, and trying isn't cool. But I think you're smart. I'm gonna be going back to Indianapolis soon, and I think you should come work for me.
April: Wow, move all the way to Indianapolis, so I can pick up your vitamins and supplements.
Chris: Everybody starts somewhere. You'll travel, and you will meet interesting people. Think about it.
April: Okay. I will.
[aside to camera:]
Ann: Apparently he wants April to move to Indianapolis with him. So that's something.

Ben: Excuse me, chief. Sorry to interrupt.
Chief Trumple: Hey, Calzone Boy, what's up?
Ben: Well, here's hoping that that nickname doesn't stick. Right? But that's not why I'm here. Uh, Leslie Knope asked you for a favor the other day, but the real favor we need is much bigger.
Chief Trumple: You mean, like calzone-sized?
Ben: Ah! Sure. We need the Pawnee Police Force to volunteer as security during the upcoming Harvest Festival. Now, the city won't let us throw the festival unless...
Chief Trumple: Say no more. Just send me a schedule of how many officers you need and when.
Ben: Really? Just like that?
Chief Trumple: Leslie Knope gets as many favors as she needs.
Ben: Can I ask why?
Chief Trumple: Because she's the kind of a person who uses favors to help other people. And also, my buddy Dave was the crankiest bastard in the department till he started dating Leslie.
Ben: Huh. So she... Okay. Are they still dating or...?
Chief Trumple: No. Moved to San Diego a year ago.
Ben: Oh. Was it a serious thing, or...?
Chief Trumple: What do you care? You a pervert?
Ben: Nope, nope. I'm all good. Um, everything's fine. This is fine.

Tammy Two: Why are you hitting yourself, Glenn? Stop hitting yourself.
Ron Swanson: Tammy, that's enough!
Tammy Two: What? Hey, baby.
Ron Swanson: You almost had me. Again. But seeing you pick on this pathetic, defenseless little man...
Tom: Hey.
Ron Swanson: Reminded me what kind of a monster you are.
Tammy Two: You're a joke. You're not even a man anymore. Oh, and by the way, last night, I faked four out of the seven.
Ron Swanson: Hmm. So did I.