Scott Braddock: Miss Knope? Miss Knope. Hi. Scott Braddock, City Attorney.
Leslie Knope: Hey, Scott. I didn't know that you were friends with Andy.
Scott Braddock: I never met him. What I do know is that he could sue us at the drop of a hat. I mean, right now, he's the most dangerous man in Pawnee.
Leslie Knope: Is that all you lawyers think about? Lawsuits, and laws and legalese?
Scott Braddock: Yes.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. Well, you can relax. All I'm gonna do is go in and just say, "We are so sorry, it's entirely our fault..."
Scott Braddock: No, no, no, no. You can't say any of that. It admits liability. You can't say "I'm sorry, " or "I apologize." It implies guilt.
Leslie Knope: That's insane. I have to apologize. Andy was a victim...
Scott Braddock: Can't say "victim."
Leslie Knope: ...of an extremely unfortunate situation.
Scott Braddock: Can't say "unfortunate," and you can't say "situation."
Leslie Knope: I can't say the word "situation"?
Scott Braddock: No. It implies there was a situation.
Leslie Knope: Can I give him the pig?
Scott Braddock: Yeah, the pig's fine.

Andy: [on phone] Hello?
Leslie Knope: Andy, it's Leslie.
Andy: Hello?
Leslie Knope: Hello? Andy, it's Leslie.
Andy: Psych. Leave a message after the beep.
Leslie Knope: Andy, it's Leslie. Look. What did you mean when you said it's your only option? I think we should talk. Without lawyers present. If you wanna meet, just put a white chalk "X" on the mailbox across the street from City Hall. Or call me back. Just call me back. [cut] Andy, why aren't you returning my calls? Is it because of your lawyer? It's because of your lawyer. [cut; affected accent] Hey, Andy, it's your aunt, your mom or dad's sister. I don't know how to tell you this but your uncle has passed. He's with Jesus now. So we're having a memorial in 30 minutes at City Hall. [cut] Hey! Free guitars at City Hall! Everybody run! [cut; robotic voice:] Because of a local disaster, you, Andy Dwyer, must go to the evacuation center at Pawnee City Hall.
Tom: Hmm, that was weird.
Leslie Knope: [gasps] How long have you been there?

Leslie Knope: I promise that Andy isn't suing just for the money.
Ann: Leslie, the man lived in a pit. Okay? He couldn't find a place to live on the Earth's surface, so he went under the ground. You're dealing with a grown man who thinks like a gopher.

Mark: Would you break the rules?
Leslie Knope: I won't murder.
Mark: That's good to know. But it's actually very simple. If you wanna fill in the pit, just go fill it in. Don't ask for permission, ask for forgiveness.
Leslie Knope: Oh, I like that. Okay, wow. So who gives me the go-ahead to not ask for permission but ask for forgiveness? Is it Ron?
Mark: No, no, no. No. It's nobody. It's nobody, it's you. You have to be bold.
Leslie Knope: Okay.
Mark: Okay, look. You wanna get the pit filled in? Go rent a bulldozer and fill in the freaking pit.

Leslie Knope: So this whole "build a playground in a day" thing, I mean, that's just a slogan, right?
Keef: Nope. One day, 24 hours.
Leslie Knope: Keef that is so incredible. I work in parks, and I know how hard it is to get something done.
Keef: Not if you have the Kaboom spirit. You can look at a problem, and you can either go, "Oh, this is a problem" or you can kaboom, blow it up and turn it into something great. You literally kaboom the problem. Come on, people! I see more ground than playground! Kaboom.
Ron Swanson: Don't do that.

Andy: Hey, Leslie. Hi. Whoa. Ann.
Ann: What are you doing here?
Andy: Oh! I'm volunteering. I love to volunteer.
[aside to camera:]
Andy: The key to volunteering? A lot of pockets. For putting all the food in. The Red Cross has amazing cookies. I go there all the time. Meals On Wheels was a bonanza. Suicide Hotline, surprisingly lame spread.

Andy: I thought I'd give back to those less fortunate than myself.
April: You live in a pit.
Andy: Not anymore. Living with the drummer of my band. Living indoors, pretty cool, not to brag. Kind of hard not to. Anyhow, got to go, me and an old Asian lady are double-teaming some monkey bars. So...

Leslie Knope: Oh, I'm so pumped. Feel I could take on the world.
Ann: I could prep, like, a thousand diagnostic tests. In an hour.
Leslie Knope: That's the spirit.

Leslie Knope: You know what this mess is? This is a list of things we have to complete before we fill in the pit behind Ann's house. You know what this is? [holds up eraser] This is a kaboomer. [rubs eraser on white board] Jerry, did you use permanent marker again?
Jerry: I'm sorry, guys, I... I just grabbed the wrong...
Leslie Knope: This is a big...
Jerry: I grabbed the wrong...
Leslie Knope: Open very big, Jerry. Okay. Forget it. Let's all pretend Jerry wasn't born.

Leslie Knope: Okay, everybody else needs to participate. Come on, guys. These suggestions aren't gonna suggest themselves. [Jerry raises his hand] Yes, Jerry. This idea better be good. [Jerry lowers his hand]