Ann: [on voicemail] Listen to me very carefully. I have not been taken. I know that's always your first fear when I'm not available, but this is not a Liam Neeson Taken scenario.
Leslie Knope: That's exactly what they'd make you say.
Ann: Also, no one's making me say this. I am a free woman, untaken, simply going about my business. I just have to run. Something came up. I love you, and I'll call you later.

Leslie Knope: Shauna, I'm so glad you could make it. You're so tan.
Shauna Malwae-Tweep: Oh, thanks. I just got back from a solo trip to Rome. I was gonna go with my boyfriend, but he couldn't come because he decided to stay with his wife.
Leslie Knope: Oof.
Evelyn: I love Rome. It's such a great place.
Donna: Rome's played out. Have y'all been to Kuala Lumpur?
Leslie Knope: When did you go to Asia?
Donna: I go all the time. Where do you think I got that crystal Buddha head above my jacuzzi?
Leslie Knope: You have a jacuzzi? Good to know.

Leslie Knope: Thank you, everyone, for getting together on such short notice, and happy Galentine's day. Now, this is not technically the right date, but any time a group of women get together for brunch, we embody the spirit of the holiday. Today we will celebrate friendship, spend a few hours together, and answer a couple of questions I've compiled. Just for fun. Nothing serious. But please answer them with complete honesty 'cause I'll be able to tell if you're lying. To girlfriends!

Harvey: Suit yourself, gentlemen. Sorry we couldn't make a deal.
Tom: Wait, wait. Let me try one more thing. [parts hair differently] What's the price now?
Harvey: $80 more. I liked it better the other way.
Tom: Does have an effect, though.

Andy: Well, the numbers don't lie. I'm a goofus, not a gallant. [throws book into the fisk tank]

Andy: [slurping] Ow. [continues slurping] Ow. Ow!
Ron Swanson: Andrew, you need to get your tooth fixed.
Andy: No way. I'm not going back there. I already won all the magazine mazes. Don't worry. It's gonna be fine. Ow!
Ron Swanson: If you don't take care of the problem now, it's only gonna get worse. Come on. I'll drive you back.
Andy: Fine. Let me just wolf down this peanut brittle real quick. [Ron slaps the peanut brittle out of Andy's hands] Why would you do that? Oh, right. 'Cause calories.

Ron Swanson: [on the phone] Hello, Diane. I'm coming home soon to relieve you, give you a little break. It's no trouble at all. I'm a parent. I'm always on duty. What flavor ice cream would you and the children like? I'm getting some for a 30-year-old who works for me, so I can bring some home for you too.

Ben: Is this really necessary?
Leslie Knope: When she moved, we promised each other that we would talk every day, and we've really fallen behind.
Ben: I know your female friends are very important to you, but I'm always a good sounding board. I mean, I can talk about Sandra Bullock skirt length.
Leslie Knope: No, no, babe, you can't. You would just embarrass yourself. Plus, every time I start talking to you, five seconds later, I want to jump your bones.
Ben: Oh, let's do that instead.
Leslie Knope: See, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, okay, let's do this. Okay.
Ben: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Andy: Sorry I'm late. [panting]
Leslie Knope: Uh, Andy, why don't you go with Ron and help him?
Ron Swanson: I really don't need--
Andy: Shotgun! I call shotgun. Where are we going? Doesn't matter. Shotgun. Shotgun on all rides for the rest of the day. For the rest of my life. In any car! Ha ha! I just faced you suckers! So I'll see you in the parking lot, Ron. Later!

Leslie Knope: Okay, ladies, I will be in my office for one to seven hours for my weekly chat with Ann. I brought some fresh snacks. And I made a backup plan for the vendor chart in case, you know, yours isn't good.
Donna: Actually, Ann called while you were in the bathroom. She said something came up, she'll call you later. I don't know, I told her to leave you a voice mail.
Leslie Knope: Ugh! God, why'd you let me say all that? I'm coming, Ann's voice mail! I'm coming!