Leslie Knope: Judas!
Ben: I don't appreciate being ambushed, Leslie. Let's just go home.
Leslie Knope: No. I know what you're trying to do. If we go home, the firewall is up, and then you don't have to deal with me anymore. Instead, fellow employee, I will meet you in the basement conference room at 6:00 P.M., and we will solve this chard issue once and for all. Don't forget your approval pen.
Ben: What? There's no such thing.
Leslie Knope: Yes, there is. I made it for you last night.

Jerry: Whoa! Monster in the window!
Ann: You know what my biggest complaint is? I have a million things I need to complain about, and I can't take them home because Chris is the most considerate person in the world, and he just wants to help me, and then I feel bad about that, and then I get annoyed that he wants to help me, and I feel even worse about that! I thought you guys would be cool with me complaining 'cause it's all you do, is sit here and complain without judgment or guilt. But you know what? I guess I was wrong. And you know what? I would yell some more, but I think I just peed my pants a little bit.
Ron Swanson: [loudly] What's happening now? Is the nurse upset? I don't care.

Leslie Knope: Okay, 6:00. Let's do this. Larry?
Jerry: Mm. Hey, Leslie. Ben couldn't make it, so he asked me to read you this. "Dear honey--" Oh, how sweet.
Leslie Knope: Read.
Jerry: Oh. "Sorry, but I think we just need to take a break from this work issue. Please don't grind your teeth too hard when you hear this. I will see you in the car. I love you." Oh, that is so sweet that you still write love letters to--
Leslie Knope: [roars]

Leslie Knope: What the hell are you doing out here?
Ben: Sorry, babe. I am off city hall property. You have to stop. Firewall.
Leslie Knope: Wrong. All roads and bridges fall under the purview of the Pawnee Department of Transportation, which is located on the fourth floor of city hall. Firewall down. Stay frosty, Wyatt. We're just getting started.
Ben: Okay, well, that's interesting. You know why?
Leslie Knope: Why?
Ben: Because-- [runs off]

Ben: Ha-ha! Bank! Private property. Firewall restored!
Leslie Knope: Ha-ha-ha! The concrete that you're standing on was poured by a municipal construction crew.
Ben: [grunts] Private fountain, private property. I'm safe.
Leslie Knope: Guess where the water comes from. The Pawnee reservoir. You can't escape City Hall, fool! Let's dance.

Leslie Knope: Okay, this is insane. It is 40 degrees, and we are standing in freezing water.
Ben: No, this is our motivation. We are not leaving this fountain until we've figured this out once and for all.
Leslie Knope: Fine. Why are you not supporting me on this? I thought you agreed with me.
Ben: I do, as a person, but as city manager, I'm not 100% sure you have a case. You're not listening to my side. I mean, sometimes when we disagree, you're so passionate, I feel like I'm arguing with the sun.
Leslie Knope: What? That is totally crazy! I am super chill all the time!

Ben: Look, let's just admit it. We're in a weird position. We're married. Our professional status has flipped, like, five times. I mean, now I'm your boss. This is "un-charded" territory for us.
Leslie Knope: Oh, that's nice.
Ben: Thanks. I learned from the best.

Craig: It's time, Andrew. These kids are tearing my house apart, and I need you to calm them with the power of song.
Andy: Oh, gosh, here's the thing. I can't do it. I got laryngitis.
Craig: You will not bail on me, Andrew Dwyer. You will perform. My nephew is something of an outcast in his school, and I got Erica Swarvane to come, which is a huge get. She rules the first grade. And this party will determine his social status for the next hundred years! So you better get out there, or I am going to lose it!
April: Have you not lost it?
Craig: Oh, you don't even know!

Andy: Babe, I'm freaking out.
April: Listen to me. You make up songs all the time off the top of your head. You do. You can do this, and afterwards, we can have cake.
Andy: I already had cake.
April: Andy!

Craig: Okay, focus up, you little monsters! Not you, Erica. You're an angel, and we're thrilled you're here. Now, is everyone ready to hear the best music you've ever heard in your miserable little lives?
Kids: No!
Craig: Okay, then, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... What even do you call yourself?
Andy: Yeah, I--
Craig: Oh, it's too late! Please welcome Johnny Karate and his magical guitar stick!