April: That's vandalism.
Ron Swanson: I have a problem. This happens to be the studio where a local saxophone legend named Duke Silver records his albums.
April: I've heard of him. I heard he makes mature women swoon when he plays.
Ron Swanson: From what I've heard about Duke, he's kind of a private guy. He doesn't want his nosy coworkers discussing his music with him or knowing that he exists. So, if you happen to see any memorabilia laying around, kindly and discreetly discard it.

April: You got it, Duke.
Ron Swanson: Don't call me that.
April: I dig your groovy tunes, man. Did you hear me? I said, "I dig your groovy tunes, man."

April: Listen up, people. This is very serious. Jerry, if you're eating, you're not listening.
Andy: Thanks, babe. I don't know how many of you have heard, but there's a flesh-eating virus going around. Yeah. It's called "music," and there's only one way to get a vaccine, and that is to play it. To play the-- you get an injection--
Ron Swanson: Just say your piece, son.
Andy: I have finished writing Leslie's campaign anthem. It's called Catch Your Dream, and it's amazing. It's kind of like We Are The World, except I actually think it could have a real impact on society.

Andy: Yo, Chuck, we're going to go ahead and play and sing at the same time. I want this to have the electricity of a live concert.
Burly: So we have to play it perfectly every time?
Andy: [laughs] No, Burly, play it "unperfectly."
Burly: You mean imperfectly?
Andy: I mean perfectly.
April: God, that was hot nonsense.

Ben: [aside to camera] I'm not afraid of cops. I have no reason to be. I never break any laws, ever... Because I'm deathly afraid of cops.

Tom: Hey, Boo-boo bear.
Ann: What did you just call me?
Tom: Boo-boo bear. It's one of several nicknames I made up for you, and you can choose which one you like best, 'cause I want this to be a give and take.
Ann: Okay, we went out once, and nothing happened. There is no "this."
Tom: We have "cookie tush"...
Ann: Wow, just right out the gate.
Tom: "Winnie the boo," "Lady presh-presh," "Ann-Berry sauce," "Annie get your boo," "Tommy's girl," "Annie banannie--" Hey!

Andy: Here's the thing. We need backup singers, and I thought, "who better to be backup singers than Leslie's campaign team?"
[aside to camera:]
Andy: Everyone's got something they're in charge of for Leslie's campaign. My job is the song. She originally put me in charge of hot dogs at this fund-raising barbecue, and I dropped them all. All of them, like a thousand, so I really want to do a good job.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Dave is a great person, and he's a great judge of character. Tonight he's going to endorse Ben, and Trumple is going to endorse me. Double endorsement. Ooh, that sounds like an Ashley Judd movie.

Tom: All right, let's do this. [clears desk]
Ann: What are you doing?
Tom: Is this not one of those? I might have misread the vibe.
Ann: Oh, my God, dude, you have to be cooler about this. Look, I told Leslie because she's my best friend, but if anybody finds out about this and they start jabbering, it's gonna make it really hard to know if this is actually anything, so just keep it on the DL, okay?
Tom: I feel like you're embarrassed by me.
Ann: That is accurate.
Tom: Can I at least change my Facebook status to "In a relationship"?
Ann: Definitely not.
Tom: "It's complicated"?
Ann: [sighs] Whatever.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Am I in a relationship? [clicks] It's complicated.

Leslie Knope: Chief Trumple, nice to see you.
Chief Trumple: Hi, Hey, Knope. Wyatt.
Ben: Been a long time, eh, cap'n? O Captain, my Captain.
Chief Trumple: You getting weird already?
Ben: Nope, I'm good.