Michelle: Hi.
Coach: Hi to you. [chuckles] I'm Coach.
Michelle: Oh, my God. You don't remember me?
Coach: Yeah... Yeah, I remember... [Michelle throws a drink at Coach] Ooh... Ooh... I'm good. [to the guys] It's the end of the wedding season. We've got some repeats.

Schmidt: Oh, God. What is she doing here? I thought she was in Australia. How do I look? How-how Jewish? I mean, like, good Jewish or bad Jewish?
Nick: Oh, I won't say... it feels like a trap.

Schmidt: I'm picturing Cece naked.
Nick: Stop doing this! Cece has a boyfriend, and your obsession with her is not good for you, man. She's been away all summer, and you have been killing it!
Schmidt: Mostly hand stuff.
Nick: Who had sex with a bridesmaid on a 45-minute flight to San Jose?
Schmidt: Me.
Nick: You were boarding group "d." She was "b." How's that even possible?
Schmidt: Gotta think outside of the box, my man.

Schmidt: So, you know Tom... Uh, Tom, of course, he wanted to sell shoes for a profit. And I said, "no." I said, "you... You do something better."
Nick: You got a... pretty good face.
Karli: So, you guys want to come home with us, right?
Stacey: We want to do a four-way. Me, her, you and him. [Nick walks away]
Schmidt: Of course. We'll, uh... Nick? [knocks] Nick?!

Kat: Are you Bidening?
Jess: What? No. [whispers] How did you know about that?
Kat: Because I'm always gonna be one step ahead of you.
Jess: Extreme Biden! [runs into the men's bathroom]
Jess: Kat, Kat... let me out. This was a huge mistake.
Kat: I'm sorry. I'm not proud of this.
Jess: It smells so bad in here.

Ted: Jess?
Jess: Hi.
Ted: Jess, th-this is the men's room.
Jess: This is where it all happens. Don't wait for me, Ted, 'cause I might be awhile. See you out on the dance floor. [to herself] And at wedding 12, I sat on a men's toilet.

Nick: When did one-on-one sex become old-fashioned? You know, America's got to take a hard look in the mirror at ourself. We used to make things. [off Cece's confusion] Just be glad you're not single.
Cece: Actually Buster and I broke up. So, anyway...
Nick: [groaning] Oh... no! No! That is so terrible!
Cece: Didn't know you cared this much.
Nick: No, no, no, no... If you're single... Mm-hmm. that means that I have to do something. Something awful. You have no idea what you just did to me. You have no idea, young lady!

Nick: I was only doing it for you, Schmidt, so you don't freak out when you find out that Cece's single. And now I'm the weirdo with the hoof hand.
Schmidt: What... take it back from the hoof hand. What'd you say before? About Cece being single? How do you know that? She's single?
Nick: I have my, uh... assumptions.
Schmidt: So Cece's single now.
Nick: You don't know that for sure.
Schmidt: That's interesting.
Nick: Why are you so calm?
Schmidt: Interesting.
Nick: Don't just say "interesting."
Schmidt: That's interesting.
Nick: If you're gonna say "interesting" say why it's interesting.
Schmidt: It is interesting.

Nick: What are you doing? Just hiding in the bathroom?
Jess: Kind of.
Nick: [laughs] Me, too.
Jess: I know I'm supposed to, like, "get back out there," you know? But... Maybe I'm just not built for it.
Nick: Man, I hear you. Sidebar: What do my hands feel like?
Jess: Hooves.
Nick: Aw, son of a...

Ted: Wow. Hah. Ooh... This is tough. I mean, okay, 'cause I mean, over here we've got, you know, the whole... you know. And then, but of course over here we got the... bing, and the... you know. Mmm... [groaning] Oh, God, what do I do? What do I do?
Jess: It's over.
Kat: Moment's passed, Ted.
Ted: Okay.
Kat: I'll take him out.