‘The Last Wedding’
Season 4, Episode 1 - Aired September 16, 2014
Schmidt is determined the gang will all hook up as they attend their twelfth and final wedding of the season.
Quote from Schmidt
Schmidt: So you and Buster broke up. Whew. I'm sorry.
Cece: Yeah, I'm just waiting for you to do something weird now.
Schmidt: Yeah, I feel that coming on, so, um... I'm gonna go.
Quote from Jess
Kat: [sighs heavily] You know what doesn't whine and cry is the sperm in my freezer. I am counting down the days until we don't need men to procreate. If I really put my mind to it... Autumn 2018.
Minister: Are you ready?
Kat: [to Jess] Oh, it's my plan "b." Yeah. Beats going home alone.
Minister: Just giving her a ride. Nothing weird.
Kat: [whispering] We do this every time.
Minister: So, Katherine, uh... Where do you live?
Kat: About two inches north of your mouth, Padre. [to Jess] Bye.
Jess: Bye.
Quote from Coach
Jess: "Regan, Kevin and Rebecca... request the honor of your presence." How about the honor of my garbage can?
Coach: Hey!
Jess: Those fridge people with their stupid houses...
Coach: Oh, look at this one, guys. Uh, it looks like Jeffrey and Lauren want us to share in their joy. How about they share in my chocolate pocket? [silence]
Jess: [laughing] What does that mean?
Coach: In my butt.
Jess: That's gross.
Coach: Yeah, I...
Quote from Nick
Schmidt: Oh, man... how about this one, you guys? Scott and Derek. Yeah, real tasteful wedding... for a Thursday!
Nick: Yeah.
Nick: Oh, look at that... Laurie and Mitchell. They had a cash bar. I hope they can't have kids!
Coach: That's super dark, bro.
Nick: That was too far. I hope they can... ...I hope they can, I hope they can.
Quote from Nick
Cece: Cece and Shivrang... You bastards, take that one down.
Jess: You know what? It's gone.
Nick: Take that one down!
Cece: Oh, yeah.
Jess: Wait a minute. Who are Gabe and Stephanie, with the profile, these things?
Nick: Oh, Gabe's the heavy guy with the perm and the wheelchaiair...
Cece: No, Gabe was the guy on the motorcycle...
Schmidt: No, no, no, no. The guy with the perm.
Nick: The guy who kept showing his stomach the whole time.
Schmidt: That's the woman who was eight and a half months pregnant.
Winston: The groom was dressed as the bride...
Quote from Jess
Jess: Hi. I'm Jess.
Ted: Hi. I'm Ted.
Jess: Cheers.
Ted: Cheers.
Jess: So you're from Wisconsin... [voice squeaks] [clears throat] [coughs] I'm sorry. Is this thing on?
Ted: You're making your throat like a microphone.
Jess: Yeah. [goofy, raspy cough]
Ted: That's funny!
Jess: Thank you.