Winston: Hello, Abby.
Abby: Hey. S'up? Have you thought about what you're gonna do if they pair you with a dirty cop?
Winston: Well, then, I would just go to Internal Affairs.
Abby: Well, that's a good way to get killed.
Winston: Then at least I would die a hero.
Abby: Hmm, no, you won't. They'll put you in panties and then they'll plant you next to a dead prostitute.
Winston: That's a poor lady.
Abby: It'd be a dude. But it's awesome! Good luck on the exam!
Winston: They got dude prostitutes? Nuh-uh.

Nick: [in dramatic voice, with pantyhose on his head] Well, you see, loyalty has a price, Mr. President. Give me the hot dogs! Put the damn hot dogs in the bag, you son of a bitch, and I won't...
Jess: Oh, my God. What are we gonna do? She can't move in to... Take that off. I hope those are clean.
Nick: Enough.

Nick: You're a garbage person and you should live in a Dumpster with rotten snails.
Jess: Hey! Nick! Too far!
Abby: Yeah, way over the line, buddy.
Nick: Yeah, but I thought we were just piling in...
Jess: That's my sister, dude.
Nick: I didn't mean that, yeah. Sorry.

Abby: Get it close to the light.
Nick: Okay, just because you invented Sky Knife doesn't mean you can tell me how to throw.
Coach: Hurry up, man. You can do this.
Nick: One, two, three.
All: Sky Knife! [cheering]

Jess: Oh, God, what the hell?
Nick: You were in the drop zone.
Schmidt: Good save, Nick.
Winston: You were a hero!
Coach: Good save.
Abby: We were playing Sky Knife. You mad?
Jess: No. No. I I think it's been a great game this week. I'm amazed at how great it is.
Abby: Uh! Awesome! I thought you were gonna be mad. All right. I'm gonna go get the bad-ass knives from Schmidt's house.

Jess: Um, guys, we have a problem.
Schmidt: I know, but Abby's gonna fix it. She's going to get the cooler knives.
Jess: The problem is Abby. She's been here one week and has already created chaos everywhere. I don't know if anybody noticed, but she destroyed my sunflower painting with a picture of a penis.
Nick: The iguana's cool.
Coach: I like the iguana.
Schmidt: Who doesn't love an iguana?
Coach: I like its tail.
Schmidt: Yeah.

Abby: Oh, my God, you guys, it's Terry. The bastard found me. He wants his stuff.
Jess: Who's Terry?! What's his stuff?! Cocaine drugs?!
Abby: Worse. You guys got to hide.
Jess: Oh, my God, I knew this was gonna happen. Everybody in your earthquake spots now!
Nick: Jess! [laughter] She's messing with you.
Jess: Yeah, I know. We are messing with you.

Jess: Us Day sisters up to our old pranks.
Nick: You're not part of it.
Jess: [in high-pitched voice] Yes, I am!
Nick: You got messed with.
Jess: You got messed with, not me.
Nick: You're doing that voice when you get messed with.
Jess: No, I'm not.
Abby: You guys, this is so fun. I want to live here.
Jess: [fake laughing] Ah, ha, ha! That was funny, 'cause we're messing with you again.
Abby: No. I'm serious. That one was real. I think I should live here.
Jess: I hate this game. [screams]

Abby: Oh, you are pretty calm for someone who's about to get life-changing news. You must be really cool under pressure.
Winston: No! I'm a huge choker. Huge! [laughs] Girl, I ain't had a job in over three months.
Abby: So, this is that moment, I guess, when you find out if you're really a failure or not. Check it. Excitement's killing me!
Winston: Man, would you look at the time? Man. Girl, I got an obligation at a sandwich meeting to to go to.

Winston: Hey, uh, Coach, you know how you're always getting on me about my pizza baby?
Coach: Yeah.
Winston: Well, today is the day that I get rid of it. I am here to train.
Coach: Save it, dude. You're avoiding your test results. Nick texted me.
Winston: Guess you can't outrun a text. Coach: All right, listen to me. Um, I need you to leave. I'm with a client. A beautiful one. I'm trying to, you know... Mm. [whistles]
Winston: You're trying to whistle.
Coach: No, no, no, no, no, I'm trying to have sex with her.
Winston: Oh! Sex.