Schmidt: Tonight we gather to celebrate Jess and I's final weekend inside the chrysalis of professional mediocrity before Monday, when we burst forth in fully pupated positions.
Jess: Principal Day.
Schmidt: Director of... Non-Television, Non-Radio West Coast Marketing.
Jess: And Principal Day. Sorry. I should have waited till the end.
Nick: What's "pupatated"?

Nick: Ding, ding, ding, ding. What the hell is going on here? If everybody's jumping in, I'm gonna jump in. Reagan says my room looks stupid, like a teenager lives there.
Cece: She's correct.
Jess: No one's authorized to ding, ding, ding except for Schmidt and I. And you you're not supposed to say "ding, ding, ding" when you ding, ding, ding.
Schmidt: Guys, please. These are all common topics. This is why I proposed Common Lunch, but nobody showed up.

Schmidt: Now, it's time for the rites of passage.
Cece: Finally. ["Pomp and Circumstance" plays]
Jess: Schmidt, I present to you a new set of business cards.
Schmidt: All right.
Cece: So proud of you.
Schmidt: Okay. That took a lot less time than I thought it would. All right. And now the donning of the principal's blazer.
Cece: Oh, the principal's blazer. I remember when you got that ten years ago and promised you would never wear it till you were actually principal.
Schmidt: Principal Day. [applause]

Nick: It's the middle of the night.
Jess: Yeah, just making a few, uh, minor adjustments. Have you seen my scissors? Never mind. I have 32 seam rippers right here.
Nick: Are you okay? [Jess bites into a thread] [Nick chuckles]
Jess: It's gonna be fine.

Nick: I'm worried about Jess. I think she is freaking out about work and she's channeling all of it into her blazer. She's got a real "cat in a bathtub" vibe.
Jess: Hey, guys! I'm just blasting some Jock Jams, getting my fashion on!
Schmidt: What's the problem? This is Jess at a six. [takes Jess's earbud out] Sorry there, Jess. Nick here says you're freaking out. What's going on, girl?
Jess: I am so good. I am "saw" good. I am so "gawd." So "gawd."

Nick: We can't let her go to work on Monday like that. Remember what I used to do for you in college when you'd get nervous about exams? What did I do for you? What was that thing called?
Schmidt: Boy ride!
Nick: Rumspringa! What?
Schmidt: Rumspringa.
Nick: I said "Rumspringa."
Schmidt: So did I.
Nick: No, you said "boy ride."
Schmidt: No, I said "Rumspringa."
Nick: What's a boy ride, dude?
Schmidt: Rumspringa, boy ride.

Cece: Can you just give me, like, a five-minute warning before Rhonda gets here? I'd like to be... not here.
Winston: Look, Rhonda shows up when Rhonda shows up.
Cece: I know. That's the problem.

Aly: Where'd that baby come from?
Rhonda: Oh, he came from Dave.
Aly: Who's Dave?
Dave: Hi-yo!
Rhonda: Dave, take a bow.
Dave: Thank you. Uh, thank you.
Rhonda: This is my cousin. I'm staying with him while I'm in town.
Aly: So he's your baby?
Dave: [chuckles] Oh, no. I'm an obstetrician. I just borrowed this little guy. [laughter]
Aly: Rhonda, I'm Aly, Winston's fiancée. It's so nice to meet you, I think.

Jess: I'm not doing anything! I'm going to bed soon!
Nick: Uh... Okay.
Jess: I also know that my jacket has three sleeves. Wait a minute, when did I add a fourth sleeve? Did you guys see me add a fourth arm?! Why am I freaking out?!

Schmidt: First day jitters, Jess. It's totally normal, and we have the answer. Rumspringa.
Nick: Boy ride.
Jess: Rumspringa is a hallowed Amish tradition, not a one-day buddy comedy. Second of all, I don't want to go to a casino or a sexual petting zoo.
Schmidt: That is why we are taking you to the old-timey Danish town oddly located in California's wine country.
Nick & Schmidt: Solvang!