Cece: You know, it's still our bone-iversary.
Schmidt: I'm too stressed. Sex right now would be like picking a lock with a cold, wet French fry.

Jess: I'm mad that Nick just decided to be a great boyfriend. Where does all this effort come from? Reagan gets Mr. Cupid, and I got, like, some nudie card.
Gordon Ramsay: This bread is incredible. You taste the crust?
Jess: It's really good. And you know what else pisses me off? The fact that everyone thinks I'm sad. I mean, Winston canceled his engagement 'cause of it.
Gordon Ramsay: Then bloody do something about it! [Jess smashes her plate] Brilliant! Uh, just a reminder: I'm not required to clean up.
Jess: Winston can't throw away his dreams because of me!
Gordon Ramsay: Then don't let him.

Gordon Ramsay: So is it just you?
Jess: Yup.
Gordon Ramsay: You know I'm quite famous, and you didn't want anybody else to experience my food?
Jess: No. Just me. Just my day.
Gordon Ramsay: Are you sad 'cause you're on your own on Valentine's night?
Jess: Ugh! Don't you start with me, Gordon Ramsay! I'm having just a great time.
Gordon Ramsay: Liar! Sorry. Bad habit.
Jess: Just bring me the scallops, please.
Gordon Ramsay: Impatient. Mmm. Delicious. Scallops. Aren't... [dish shatters] ...for liars.