Nick: Jess, choosing a career path is never easy, but what I found-
Schmidt: Oh, my God.
Winston: Shut up, dude!
Schmidt: Nick, come on. She's looking for career advice. Your job could be done by a vending machine.

[flashback:]
Winston: I was the ninth guy off the bench for the eighth-best team in Latvia.
Guys: Winnie the Bish! Winnie the Bish! Winnie the Bish!
Winston: Ha-ha! Thanks for coming to watch me play, guys.
Nick: We didn't watch you play. We watched you sit. Which was still fun. You know, any chance to get to Latvia, right, guys?
Winston: Yeah, I haven't played all year. They barely let me practice, but you know, like I always say, "How about them Lats?"
[present:]
Jess: So that's when you decided to change course. That makes sense. So my takeaway from that is...
Winston: Still building to the decision.

[flashback:]
Latvian Coach: You are traded to Kraslava City.
Winston: The Outdoor League? Man, they play on a hillside!
Latvian Coach: I give you surprise tip: Uphill basket, better.
[present v/o:]
Jess: Aha, and then you decided...
Winston: Ah!
[flashback to Winston and his outdoor team playing on a steep hill:]
Winston: I'm going fast! Whoa, whoa, whoa! [crashing sound]
Latvian Doctor: You never play basketball again.
Winston: Don't touch it. Stop it.

Jess: Interesting. Money. Actually the museum job pays more than the teaching job.
Schmidt: Wait, the m- Then what the hell are we talking about here, you guys? Done deal, case closed. Follow them ducats.
Winston: It's not always about the money, Schmidt.

Schmidt: Jess, the museum job pays more.
Jess: All right.
Schmidt: The decision has been made for you.
Jess: No, no, no.
Schmidt: You don't know the difference between more and less. Don't you?

Jess: Wait, guys, this is classic after 6:00 topics. Look, I... There has to be more to this than money. I really want to care about what I do. Don't you ever miss getting your hands dirty and selling?
Schmidt: I've moved up in the world. I'm not freezing and covered in sap. I'm making spreadsheets. It's like Old Man McCue used to say. The reward is in the destination. It's not in the journey.
Jess: Was he wise or was he senile? Because he's mixed up a lot of really well-known sayings.

Coach: Jess, you're gonna want to listen to me. Anyone else here named after their career? [Schmidt signals to himself] People call you Markety?
Schmidt: Not yet.
Coach: That's too bad 'cause that's awesome.

[flashback:]
Coach: No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Hands up, Ulvis! Ball screen, Vlad, come on! There we go, yes! Bishop, finger out of your nose, now!
Schmidt: Ernie's a really good coach.
Nick: Maybe we should call him Coach.
Schmidt: We should probably call him... You do it first.
Nick: Uh... Coach!
Coach: That's a great name! High five!

[flashback:]
Clifton: Eddie Pascucci kicked my ass because I'm new.
Jess: Well, guess what? I'm new, too. I got lost trying to find the upper dining garden.
Clifton: Oh, that's over by the hedge maze and the stables.
Jess: I haven't even met my horse yet. Come on, let's get you cleaned up.

[flashback:]
Jess: All of these jackets have cash in the pockets. It's like a $50,000 lost and found. Here, try this one. Yup. You look great, Clifton.
Clifton: This doesn't fit! Eddie Pascucci beats up the unstylish!
[present:]
Jess: Yeah, that's right. We had an ethnic, gay bully.
[flashback:]
Jess: He's gonna have to come through me first.
[present:]
Jess: Clifton Collins really just needed someone to believe in him. So I started tong him in math, and he became the best math student in school.