Adrian Monk: [answers phone] Hello.
Dale Biederbeck: Bread and butter. Bread and butter. It's been driving me crazy. What could she possibly have meant? Bread and butter. I figure it was a message. A secret message just for you.
Adrian Monk: What can I do for you, Dale?
Dale Biederbeck: Well, I'm a little worried about Sharona. She sort of fell apart on us last night. I'm really not sure if we can count on her, Adrian.
Adrian Monk: You have other things to worry about.
Dale Biederbeck: You can't scare me. Don't even try. You're meek. Meeky, meek, meek. [bell rings] Ooh, ooh. Gotta go. The Munich markets are closing. Toodle-loo.

Dr. Kroger: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm eating my lunch, but, you know, I only take 20 minutes for lunch.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, no. I appreciate you squeezing me in.
Dr. Kroger: Okay. So, uh, we were talking about Dale the Whale.
Adrian Monk: His name is, uh... His name is Biederbeck.
Dr. Kroger: Yeah, I know. He owns my building.
Adrian Monk: I'm not surprised. He owns half the city with, uh, you know, with an option on the other half.
Dr. Kroger: Well, do you think he had like-like a vendetta against Trudy?
Adrian Monk: It was grueling. I would find her sitting in the car in the driveway crying. It was the worst year of her life. She only had 34. He stole one of them.
Dr. Kroger: So now he's a suspect in this homicide case. How does that make you feel?
Adrian Monk: I-l-I hate the man. Is that wrong?
Dr. Kroger: No. No. I think it would be unusual if you didn't... What, is there something wrong?
Adrian Monk: Uh... [takes out notepad, writes, pulls out note and hands it to Dr. Kroger]
Dr. Kroger: [chuckles] Yeah, um, tomato sauce on chin. Okay. Good. Thank-Thank you, Adrian.

Sharona: Adrian, do you know who asked me out?
Adrian Monk: Hmm?
Sharona: I'll give you a hint. He's a doctor.
Adrian Monk: Kervorkian?
Sharona: Very funny. Christiaan Vezza. I just love that name, Christiaan. You know who he's named after? Christiaan Barnard, who performed the first human heart transplants.
Adrian Monk: Yes, I know who Christiaan Barnard was.

Adrian Monk: Help me out here. She lives alone. She's about to start cooking something. Stir-fried beef. That's a meal, not a bedtime snack.
Sharona: So?
Adrian Monk: Why?
Sharona: Maybe she was hungry.
Adrian Monk: No. She went out to eat that night. Remember? Doggie bags. She couldn't finish her dinner, so why was she cooking?
Sharona: I have no idea.
Adrian Monk: Maybe she wasn't. Maybe after she was dead, the killer came back downstairs to cook something himself.
Sharona: Why?
Adrian Monk: To make smoke. To set off the smoke alarm in there.

Sue Ellen: I already talked to the real police. Three times.
Sharona: I know, but Mr. Monk has a different way of looking at things.
Girl: Make them buy some lemonade.
Sue Ellen: I'll only talk if you buy some lemonade. That's the rule.
Sharona: Oh. Okay. He has to buy some too.
Adrian Monk: No-No, thanks.
Sharona: Buy some lemonade.
Adrian Monk: Okay, fine. I'll just have a small very, very small. [the girl adds a pinch of sugar by hand]
Girl: Yeah, that's It's our own recipe.
Adrian Monk: [pretending to drink] Mmm, that hit the spot. Thank you.

Adrian Monk: Okay, now it's your turn. I want you to think back to that night. You were walking your dog.
Sue Ellen: Yeah, I was walking my dog by the big house over there. Like I do every night. The smoke alarm went off, so I looked.
Adrian Monk: And what did you see? [The girl gestures for him to order more lemonade] You familiar with the term extortion?
Sharona: Just drink it.
Adrian Monk: [drinks] Go on.
Sue Ellen: So I looked, and I saw this really fat guy in the house. No, I mean like, really fat. Like, fat fat.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, fat.
Sue Ellen: Then he opened the curtains, stood on the chair and turned off the alarm.
Adrian Monk: Okay, Sue Ellen, I just want to be absolutely sure. The alarm sounded, and then you saw the curtains open up? [she again signals for more lemonade] Oh, look at that. [the girls don't turn around; Monk drinks more lemonade] Is that right? Smoke alarm and then the curtains?
Sue Ellen: Yep.
Sharona: Why would he open the curtains before he turns off the alarm?
Adrian Monk: He was putting on a show.
Sue Ellen: What kind of show?
Adrian Monk: He was putting on a show for you.

Christiaan Vezza: I see you found another of my inventions. The empathy suit.
Sharona: Dr. Vezza? Who had a birthday?
Christiaan Vezza: Oh, mine, actually. Last week. You missed a great party.
Adrian Monk: You're 37.
Christiaan Vezza: Yes. I was conceived during the big blackout of 1965.
Adrian Monk: Would you excuse me?

Sharona: We really have to work on our "Not embarrassing Sharona skills."
Adrian Monk: Thirty-seven.
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: He's 37.
Sharona: So what?
Adrian Monk: If he's 37-years-old, then I know how the judge was killed.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hello, Mr. Biederbeck.
Dale Biederbeck: Captain. I really wish you would've called. I'm a little busy at the moment.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm here to arrest you for the murder of Judge Kate Lavinio. That's a warrant. Duly sworn.
Dale Biederbeck: Sweetheart, I'm gonna have to call you back. Doctor, will you call Howard Klein and tell him we're suing the city for malicious prosecution again.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I have hired a local construction company to take out this door. We're gonna get a crane here and lower your fat ass down to the street.
Dale Biederbeck: A crane? Oh, that's rich. But would you mind explaining to me how I'm supposed to have killed the bitch? I can't leave this room, remember?

Dale Biederbeck: Well, my, my, my. It's the defective detective once more. Lay it on me, Einstein.
Adrian Monk: These two chairs are from the judge's house. The killer stood on one of them when he turned off the smoke alarm. A girl in the neighborhood saw, quote, a very, very fat man standing on it. But there's something funny about the chair. It's not broken. This is Sergeant Cargill from the 14th Precinct. Sergeant, how much do you weigh?
Sergeant Cargill: 265.
Adrian Monk: Would you mind? [The Sergeant puts a foot on the chair and rips through the seat] So how could a very, very fat man have stood on it? There's only one explanation. He was a fat man. Not a heavy man. Lieutenant. [Randy enters in a fat suit and stands on a chair] I visited your clinic today and borrowed one of your empathy suits. Fat, but not heavy. I believe we have another warrant to serve. [Stottlemeyer gives a warrant to Dr. Vezza]
Christiaan Vezza: You're joking.
Adrian Monk: You were in it together. You killed her. Fat man planned it, but you did it. It was brilliant. You killed her, and then you left clues behind to make it look like Biederbeck did it. Why? Because he's the only person on Earth that couldn't possibly have done it. You wore enormous boots to leave big footprints. Breaking in was no problem. The housekeeper told you about the hide-a-key. I admit I was confused until I figured out the sequence of events. First, you killed the judge. Then you ransacked the house. Of course, you needed a witness. You put on one of your fat suits, set off the alarm, then waited until you were sure somebody was watching. And, finally, you called 911. And you're great with voices, Doctor. He's in the house. He's right downstairs. Biederbeck even supplied you with videotapes of the judge so you could practice.
Christiaan Vezza: This is insane. Why would I risk everything?
Adrian Monk: Well, you really didn't have a choice, did you, Glenn? I knew Christiaan wasn't your real name soon as you said you were 37 years old. You told Sharona that you were named after Christiaan Barnard, but he wasn't famous until 1967. After you were born.