Adrian Monk Quote #68
Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Meets Dale the Whale
Dale Biederbeck: Well, my, my, my. It's the defective detective once more. Lay it on me, Einstein.
Adrian Monk: These two chairs are from the judge's house. The killer stood on one of them when he turned off the smoke alarm. A girl in the neighborhood saw, quote, a very, very fat man standing on it. But there's something funny about the chair. It's not broken. This is Sergeant Cargill from the 14th Precinct. Sergeant, how much do you weigh?
Sergeant Cargill: 265.
Adrian Monk: Would you mind? [The Sergeant puts a foot on the chair and rips through the seat] So how could a very, very fat man have stood on it? There's only one explanation. He was a fat man. Not a heavy man. Lieutenant. [Randy enters in a fat suit and stands on a chair] I visited your clinic today and borrowed one of your empathy suits. Fat, but not heavy. I believe we have another warrant to serve. [Stottlemeyer gives a warrant to Dr. Vezza]
Christiaan Vezza: You're joking.
Adrian Monk: You were in it together. You killed her. Fat man planned it, but you did it. It was brilliant. You killed her, and then you left clues behind to make it look like Biederbeck did it. Why? Because he's the only person on Earth that couldn't possibly have done it. You wore enormous boots to leave big footprints. Breaking in was no problem. The housekeeper told you about the hide-a-key. I admit I was confused until I figured out the sequence of events. First, you killed the judge. Then you ransacked the house. Of course, you needed a witness. You put on one of your fat suits, set off the alarm, then waited until you were sure somebody was watching. And, finally, you called 911. And you're great with voices, Doctor. He's in the house. He's right downstairs. Biederbeck even supplied you with videotapes of the judge so you could practice.
Christiaan Vezza: This is insane. Why would I risk everything?
Adrian Monk: Well, you really didn't have a choice, did you, Glenn? I knew Christiaan wasn't your real name soon as you said you were 37 years old. You told Sharona that you were named after Christiaan Barnard, but he wasn't famous until 1967. After you were born.
‘Mr. Monk Meets Dale the Whale’ Quotes
Quote from Lieutenant Disher
Lieutenant Disher: Maybe we're looking at this all wrong. Maybe he killed her in his apartment, and then he somehow moved the body back to her house.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. What about the 911 call? She made it from the house.
Lieutenant Disher: Right. What about liposuction?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Lieutenant Disher: Liposuction. Yeah. He lipo'd himself down to, like, I don't know, like, 400 pounds. Down the elevator, crossed town, killed the judge.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, how did he gain all the weight back?
Lieutenant Disher: Reverse liposuction.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, my God.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. He just pumped it all back in.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You think that's possible?
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know. Should I call a doctor?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. Let's keep our reverse liposuction theory to ourselves.
Quote from Adrian Monk
Benjy: Okay, who do you want to be? Yellow, green, red or blue?
Adrian Monk: Oh, boy. Okay, um... Okay. Oh, boy.
Sharona: Honey, remember we talked about how Mr. Monk has trouble making decisions?
Benjy: Oh, yeah. Okay, you'll be Colonel Mustard.
Adrian Monk: Good.
Benjy: Now, you remember how to play? You write down all the clues on your pad.
Adrian Monk: I'm ready to guess.
Sharona: Adrian, you have to play the game. You have to go around the board from room to room collecting clues.
Adrian Monk: I know who did it.
Sharona: We haven't started yet. Come on.
Adrian Monk: It was Professor Plum in the dining room with a rope.
Benjy: He's right.
Adrian Monk: We played this game last year. I remember what cards everybody was holding and how they were put away. And then, just now, I was watching how Benjy shuffled...
Quote from Sharona
Sharona: [answers phone] Hello? Oh, hey, Captain. Yeah, he's right here. [to Monk] Stottlemeyer. [on the phone] Oh, well, actually, uh, we were just finishing up a pretty big case. It was this nasty homicide, um... This woman was found murdered in her dining room with a rope. Yeah. Hold on, let me check our schedule. [to Monk] It's a job.