Natalie: Mr. Monk! Are you okay? What was that all about? That woman who was she?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never seen her before.
Natalie: Then why were you chasing her?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.

Captain Stottlemeyer: How you doing? We gotta do this again. You understand. Excuse me. [blows nose] It's allergies, it's not contagious. Okay, you came out to take a walk around 1:00 am. And you saw the woman. This is the woman you've been looking for. Who is she?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You don't know. So this mystery woman drives a cab. You chased the cab. Who can blame ya? You run down this alley, you try to cut her off, and you hear voices.
Lieutenant Disher: They're coming from that restaurant, so you look through the window.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. There were three men. Some kind of drug deal gone wrong. There was a guy in a suit, a dealer, and an undercover cop.
Lieutenant Disher: Are you sure he was a cop?
Adrian Monk: He flashed a badge. There was a fight. The dealer shot the cop.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You saw the dealer shoot the cop.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. And then the suit and the dealer run out back, they jump into a blue Buick, and they drive away.
Lieutenant Disher: And no license?
Adrian Monk: No, it was too dark.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You ran three blocks, found a phone booth, and called it in.
Adrian Monk: So who was he, the dead cop?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, you gotta come with us.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Anything?
CSI Tech: No bullets, no blood.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Did you check the walls?
CSI Tech: If it happened, it didn't happen here.
Adrian Monk: If it happened? Wh- What does that mean?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It means there's no body, Monk. No signs of a struggle, no blood. The kitchen's clean. I wouldn't give it four stars, but nobody has been shot to death here In the last half hour.
Adrian Monk: But the- The dead cop!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Every officer in this city's been accounted for. Nobody's missing. [sniffles] You got a tissue? Never mind, I got one.

Lieutenant Disher: This is Zena Davis. She's a waitress here. She's been here all night.
Adrian Monk: So you must've seen it. Or at least heard it.
Zena Davis: No, sir, I'm sorry. I don't know what it is that you think you saw, but I've been here cleaning. We have an inspection next week, and the manager wants it all spick-and-span.
Adrian Monk: There were shots. There were- Right, there were four gunshots. Right?
Zena Davis: Is he okay?
Adrian Monk: Wait a minute! Okay. Okay. No bullets, huh? What do you call this? [pulls a shiny object out of a vat of soapy water]
Captain Stottlemeyer: I call that a money clip.
Zena Davis: Oh, thanks a lot. Been looking for that.
Adrian Monk: J.P.?
Zena Davis: Jeremy Peters. He's one of our cooks. Are you guys gonna be here much longer?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, no. Thank you very much for your time, Miss Davis, and good luck with that inspection. Monk, let's go. Come on, come on.

Gully: Trudy Monk?
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Gully: She was beautiful.
Adrian Monk: Yes, she was.
Gully: Beauty isn't everything, but it's sure nice to look at.
Adrian Monk: You're really very deep.
Gully: I just sound deep. Deep down, I'm very shallow. She was an organ donor.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. She was an angel.

Gully: What are you doing out here so late, huh? You're a sunflower, you're a delicate thing. You should be home in bed.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I can't sleep.
Gully: Why, because of this other woman? This taxi driver?
Adrian Monk: I know it's crazy. It sounds crazy, it feels crazy.
Gully: I understand. Listen, you know the train station. There's a taxi stand at the South Street exit. The dispatcher's name is Essie. She knows every hack in the city.
Adrian Monk: Essie.
Gully: Essie.
Adrian Monk: Okay. I'm gonna do it. I got nothing to lose.

Essie: She's not Hispanic. She's from Brazil, which makes her Latino. There's a difference.
Adrian Monk: So you know her?
Essie: Silver star taxi, number 402. That's Maria Cordova.
Adrian Monk: Maria!
Essie: Oh, I'm sure you two will be very happy.
Adrian Monk: Well, do you know where-
Essie: She'll be back at 4:30 for the first commuter express. You can wait in there.
Adrian Monk: Just wanna say-
Essie: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're welcome.

Adrian Monk: I saw you.
William Lee: Mister, whatever you think you saw, it wasn't me. Now, can I go?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, sir, absolutely. You can go.
William Lee: Thank you very much.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sorry to bother you.
Adrian Monk: "Sorry to bother you"?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, it's late.
Adrian Monk: All right, we gotta follow this guy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Follow him where? Hey, did you go to the tavern like I told you?
Adrian Monk: Leland, I know I'm tired. But I'm telling you, he was the dead guy.

Jacob Posner: What did you mean before when you said that there may have been a shooting?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh, well, we have an eye witness who's usually very reliable when he gets enough sleep, who says that, uh, he saw an undercover cop get shot.
Jacob Posner: Cop? Do I need a lawyer?
Adrian Monk: You sure do.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. I'm sure it was probably just a misunderstanding. In fact, we just left the victim at the train station. He was alive and well, waiting for a train to Port-
Jacob Posner: He's alive?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah.
Jacob Posner: I don't understand.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You know, to tell you the truth, I don't understand either. Sorry to have bothered you. Thank you for your time. We'll be leaving now.
Adrian Monk: Mr. Posner-
Captain Stottlemeyer: We will be leaving now.

Captain Stottlemeyer: I'll have the usual. And, uh, one for my grandson here. He's celebrating. He just made captain.
Bartender: You got it.
Lieutenant Disher: Scotch?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep. Single malt. One shot. We drink this down, watch the fish swim around, and we go home and go to sleep.
Gully: Mickey, I got this one.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Do I know you?
Gully: You do now. [hands over credit card] Whatever they want, keep 'em coming.
Bartender: Yes, sir, Mr. Monk.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Mr. Monk?
Lieutenant Disher: We got a friend named Monk.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, we do.
Gully: What are the odds of that? You guys like to gamble?