Paul Buchanan: Look, I'm having a big luncheon on Sunday. A bunch of the old fossils from the family foundation. You think Natalie'd show up? Make the afternoon a lot better.
Adrian Monk: I don't think... Maybe.
Paul Buchanan: Well, Adrian Melville, I go with my gut. My gut likes what it sees. If Natalie Teeger recommends you, that's good or me. Congratulations, you're my new butler.
Adrian Monk: I'm your butler?
Paul Buchanan: Yeah, come on. I'll show you around. Your room's upstairs. Grab that drink.

Housekeeper: Natalie, it's for you.
Natalie: Oh, thank you. [on the phone] Oh, Mr. Monk, thank God.
Adrian Monk: I'm gonna need you to come and get me now.
Natalie: Well, what happened? Where are you?
Adrian Monk: I'm in my bedroom. I work here now. I'm the butler.
Natalie: You're the butler?
Adrian Monk: Yes, your old boyfriend just hired me. I'm the new manservant.
Natalie: I think that's great.
Adrian Monk: Do you? Do you really? Do you think it's great?
Natalie: You'll be able to look around. You're right there. You're in the belly of the beast.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, it's not a good thing. It's a bad thing. Okay, it's a belly, and it's a beast. Now come and get me.
Natalie: How 'bout this? I pick you up tomorrow morning.
Adrian Monk: Tomorrow morning?
Natalie: Yes, maybe by then we'll have something to show the captain.
Adrian Monk: Okay, yeah, that's one scenario. May I suggest an alternate scenario? [hits phone against table] Pick me up!

Adrian Monk: How tall is Mr. Fairchild?
Mrs. Murphy: About my height, sir.
Adrian Monk: Ah. Then he belongs over here across from Miss Monica. Symmetry. Sweet symmetry.
Mrs. Murphy: That's fine, sir. Except-
Adrian Monk: Except?
Mrs. Murphy: You can't put Mr. B next to his stepsisters.
Susie: They hate each other.
Mrs. Murphy: There was an accident about a year ago. A car crash. Their mother died a few moments before Mr. Buchanan's father.
Adrian Monk: Mmm, yes, I heard that story.
Mrs. Murphy: Apparently when it came time to divide the estate, Monica and Clara didn't feel they were treated as fairly as they might have been.
Adrian Monk: I see. How much did they get?
Mrs. Murphy: Nothing.
Adrian Monk: And they wanted more?
Mrs. Murphy: Yes, sir. Apparently they did.

Natalie: What does that prove?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Are you kidding? It proves everything. There's nothing to discuss.
Natalie: Captain, we were there yesterday. There's no reception. He couldn't have made that call.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That happens all the time, Natalie, for a million different reasons. Different cell phones, terrain... Read the coroner's report. April 9th, one year ago, Camilla Buchanan died in the accident upon impact. Ralph Buchanan died of a heart attack.
Natalie: He did it. I know he did it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? Because he made you cry in homeroom?
Natalie: Because I know him and guys like him. They think they own the world, and you know what? Because they do.

Adrian Monk: Look, Natalie, you heard the tape. It was an accident. She hit her head. He had a heart attack. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work.
Natalie: Wait. Why are you going back to work?
Lieutenant Disher: What work?
Natalie: He's a butler.
Adrian Monk: We prefer to be called house managers.
Natalie: He's working for Paul Buchanan undercover.
Adrian Monk: I was undercover. Now I'm thinking about making it official.

Adrian Monk: [adjusting Paul's tie] There you go.
Paul Buchanan: Thank you, Melville. Your attention to detail is almost pathological.
Adrian Monk: Thank you, sir. It's almost noon. I think we should be getting downstairs. I'm sorry. Still not complet-
Paul Buchanan: Thank you, Melville.
Adrian Monk: My pleasure, sir. I'm sorry. There we go. Now, your guests should be arriving any second- I'm sorry. It's still slightly-
Paul Buchanan: You know what? It's fine. It's close enough.
Adrian Monk: One second. Almost have it.
Paul Buchanan: I said it's fine.
Adrian Monk: I just have to center it.
Paul Buchanan: You know what? I'm just gonna lose the tie. And go with something a little more casual.
Adrian Monk: Yes, sir. Good choice.

Paul Buchanan: Speaking of Natalie.
Adrian Monk: Were we speaking of Natalie?
Paul Buchanan: Well, we are now. She didn't RSVP, did she?
Adrian Monk: I'm afraid not, sir. It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all.
Paul Buchanan: Do you believe that, Melville?
Adrian Monk: I don't know, sir. It's a tough call.

Adrian Monk: How did you do that?
Natalie: See, Mr. Monk, when two people love each other, they wanna express that love.
Adrian Monk: What?
Natalie: It's a pillow!
Adrian Monk: Ah, well, that explains almost nothing.

Natalie: You were supposed to go check out the car in the garage. Have you been to the garage?
Adrian Monk: No, something came up.
Natalie: What?
Adrian Monk: This. My life. My new career. I love it here.
Natalie: No, you don't.
Adrian Monk: Yes, I do.
Natalie: No, you don't. I can tell. You look terrible.
Adrian Monk: Well, fortunately, this job is not about my looks.
Natalie: Have you been sleeping at all?
Mrs. Murphy: Mr. Melville! Shall we begin the main course, sir?
Adrian Monk: Yes, thank you, Mrs. Murphy.
Mrs. Murphy: [to Natalie] Should you be drinking that?

Sylvia: I'll have some quail, please.
Adrian Monk: He took the quail. We're alternating.
Sharona: I'd prefer the quail.
Adrian Monk: It's just we've been going quail, duck, quail, duck, quail, duck-
Sylvia: I don't like duck.
Adrian Monk: Then you'll have to sit over there.
Sylvia: I have to change seats?!
Adrian Monk: Fine. Here. Two quails right next to each other. [stabs a fork in it] Enjoy.