Natalie: So you've been moving furniture?
Warren Kemp: That's right! I just hired a new decorator. Some Feng Shui nut. She says if my desk faces the door, it would open me up to new opportunities. Maybe she was on to something. How did you know about the furniture?
Natalie: Impressions in the rug. The desk used to be there.
Warren Kemp: That's pretty good. Who's the detective here? [Natalie and Warren chuckle]

Adrian Monk: I'll do it.
Warren Kemp: Oh, thank you. I feel better already. You can start tomorrow.
Natalie: No, no, no. You don't understand. He can't work in an office. There are, there are people here.
Warren Kemp: Nah, nah, he'll be fine. I'll say you're an investment analyst I'm bringing in from Chicago.
Adrian Monk: Chicago.
Warren Kemp: All you have to do is look busy. I'll give you some reports to collate.
Adrian Monk: Did you hear that? I'm gonna be collating.

Abby: So you from Chicago? It's too cold for me. Not that the weather here is much better. The kitchenette. Some of the food in that machine is still edible.
Adrian Monk: Office humor. I love it.
Abby: Sales department's down there. This is accounting. We're redecorating the whole office. Do you smoke? If you do, the smoke detector in the break room's usually broken, if you know what I mean.
Adrian Monk: Isn't that kind of a fire hazard?
Abby: I hope so. If we're lucky, this whole frigging place'll burn down. Here's your parking pass. If you park in the garage, make sure someone walks you downstairs. We had a problem there two nights ago.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I heard about that. Why do you think someone would wanna break Kemp's hand?
Abby: Probably someone who heard him playing piano at last year's Christmas party.
Adrian Monk: Oh, more office humor. That's good. This is you. Home sweet home.
Adrian Monk: This is me? It's perfect.
Abby: Yeah. It's a dream come true.

Chilton Handy: What are you doing?
Abby: This is Adrian Monk. He's starting here today.
Chilton Handy: Mr. Kemp said I could have that cubicle.
Abby: What's the difference?
Chilton Handy: It's closer to the emergency exit. Statistically, it's a little safer.
Abby: Statistically, you're a little nuts. Why don't you double up on your medication and get back to work?
Abby: Ignore him. He's a little... [whistles] So we're all set. If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask somebody else.
Adrian Monk: Somebody else. I get it.

Chilton Handy: We're taking up a collection for Chilton Handy. It's his birthday. He's 40.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I, I just got here.
Chilton Handy: You work here, right? Most people put in 10 bucks. I put in 20.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay, then. Here you go.
[After Monk puts a note in the jar, Chilton takes it out and pockets it]
Adrian Monk: You're Chilton?
Chilton Handy: That's right. I'm turning 40.
Adrian Monk: Well, happy birthday.

Frances: Adrian, really, you don't have to reorganize the whole filing room.
Adrian Monk: Actually, I did.
Abby: And thanks again for cleaning my office. I can see my desk again.
Greg: [to Monk] You're gonna make somebody a wonderful wife.
Adrian Monk: Oh, Greg, here's that quarterly sales report. I found a few typos and grammatical errors, so I retyped it.
Greg: Retyped the whole thing? You're my hero.

Adrian Monk: I'll get the next one.
Abby: There's plenty of room here.
Adrian Monk: I'd rather wait.
Greg: You could fit right here.
Frances: It's only two floors.
[Monk dashes in to the elevator and immediately leaves]
Adrian Monk: Okay, I'm, I'm fine.
Frances: We're not contagious.
Adrian Monk: I know you're not contagious. I'll take the next one.

Natalie: Come on, let's talk about it at lunch.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I can't. I'm meeting the gang.
Natalie: What gang?
Adrian Monk: I have a gang. I'm in the gang. They're waiting for me.
Natalie: Wait, what are you talking about?
Adrian Monk: Natalie, they like me. I brought some cards along. I haven't had to use them. Nobody's laughing at me. I gotta go. I'll talk to you later.
Warren Kemp: Mr. Monk, how's the case coming? Any leads?
Adrian Monk: Nothing concrete. I can't talk right now. I gotta go. The gang is waiting for me.

Adrian Monk: So Is it hard to work together and, and be in a relationship?
Frances: What?
Adrian Monk: [to Abby and Greg] The two of you are having a thing, right?
Abby: Why do you say that?
Adrian Monk: Well, your shirt, there's a hole on the end of your collar. Greg was wearing that same shirt yesterday. Plus, you're using the same shampoo and the same deodorant. And today, Greg walked in with your umbrella. [everyone chuckles]
Greg: You should be a detective.
Adrian Monk: No, no, I couldn't be a detective. I could never be a detective. They're lonely. They're, they're very lonely and sad. They don't have a gang. A gang from the office. [all laugh]

Natalie: Warren, we gotta get you out of this office. The last time I was in Vermont, I was in jail.
Warren Kemp: What?
Natalie: Yeah. I hit a guy in a bar. He wouldn't leave my friend alone. So I just sort of shoved him through the window.
Warren Kemp: If you're trying to turn me on here, it's working.
Natalie: Oh, my God. I can't believe I just told you that. You cannot tell anyone I've been arrested, okay? Mr.
Monk, my God, Julie, my daughter. If she knew, please. You have to promise me.
Warren Kemp: Oh, no, I promise.