Larry Zwibell: I'm sorry. That's, that's probably me. I was a little enthusiastic with the aqua velva. Do you mind if I rest my cheeks?
Adrian Monk: Actually, I do.
Larry Zwibell: Oh, well, if someone comes, I'll get up. I hate drinking alone. Um, por favor?
Waiter: Senor.
Larry Zwibell: [speaks Spanish to the waiter] Oh, I'm, I'm, uh, bilingual. My mother was Venezuelan. That means I can make an ass of myself in two languages. Oh, oh, oh. Excuse me. Pardon me, I'm sorry. For my heart. My old ticker. Larry Zwibell.
Adrian Monk: Adrian Monk.
Larry Zwibell: Adrian, nice to know you. So what brings you here? Are you here for the, uh, what, the wine tasting?
Adrian Monk: No, I come every year. It's kind of a tradition.

Larry Zwibell: Oh, transcendent. Like a meal in itself. Oh, just think. A week ago, I couldn't even afford a bottle of pop. Oh, fabulous. Hey, are you all right?
Adrian Monk: I'm not much of a drinker.
Larry Zwibell: Oh. How many have you had? [Monk holds up one finger] One bottle?
Adrian Monk: One sip.
Larry Zwibell: Well, if you wake up tomorrow and you're still hammered, you gotta come find me. I'm in room 202 by the back staircase. I got a great cure for a hangover, it's 100% guaranteed. So, um, if you'll excuse me, I'm, uh I'm gonna teach these rubes how to play some cards. Nice knowing you.

Natalie: Okay. There are three cars in the parking lot, plus mine. The same three cars that were there last night. Maybe he left.
Adrian Monk: But that wouldn't explain why everybody's lying.
Natalie: Then why didn't he check in?
Adrian Monk: He did check in. He said room 202. Look. We signed in on the bottom of this page. Sylvia could have removed the next page.
Natalie: Why would she do that, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. Something happened. Something happened here.
Natalie: Come on. Are you sure you only had one drink?
Adrian Monk: Natalie, I met him. He, he spoke Spanish. And he reeked of aqua velva. You believe me, right? You said we have to believe each other. You said that was the rule.
Natalie: That's true. That's true.

Natalie: Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you all. But we're looking for a guest. Larry Zwibell. He was here last night.
Dr. David Sobin: Who?
Pierre LaCoste: I told you I never heard of him.
Adrian Monk: He played poker with you. He told you that joke about the psychiatrist. The wife who thinks she's a refrigerator. And the psychiatrist says, "Just ignore it." But the man says, "I can't because when she sleeps with her mouth open, the little light inside her mouth keeps me awake." [all laugh]
Dr. David Sobin: That's brilliant.
Adrian Monk: Why, why are you laughing?
Pierre LaCoste: Because it's funny.
Adrian Monk: But, but you already heard it. You heard it last night. They already heard it.
Natalie: Maybe it's your delivery.

Adrian Monk: Did you notice the French guy did this? That's his tell. I was watching him play poker last night. Whenever he bluffed, he rubbed his nose. I'm telling you, he did it upstairs earlier too. He's lying. They are all lying. It's... It's a conspiracy.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, why? They don't even know each other.

Dr. David Sobin: Excuse me. Well, you're getting an early start. [Natalie chuckles] The tasting doesn't begin until noon. May I? Oh, they make this here.
Natalie: Hmm. They just released it this morning.
Dr. David Sobin: And how is it?
Natalie: It's good. It's, uh, sweet. But it has a, um it has a weird after taste to it. Do you taste it?
Natalie: No, not really.
Dr. David Sobin: I'm a little bit worried about your friend. I'm a psychiatrist, and I saw him yesterday talking to an empty chair.
Natalie: Oh, yeah, he does that. His wife died eight years ago. He talks to her.
Dr. David Sobin: Mrs. Willis said he used to be a detective. He was discharged? May I ask, why is he here?
Natalie: Well, it's his anniversary, and they honeymooned here, so.
Dr. David Sobin: So this is probably a time of stress for him. Does he handle stress well?
Natalie: No. He handles stress unwell.
Dr. David Sobin: Lonely children will sometimes make up a person in their minds. An imaginary friend, if you will. I've seen it a lot in my practice. I've seen adults do it too.
Natalie: Well, you don't know Adrian Monk. He's a great detective. The police don't make a move without talking to him first. I don't know what's going on here. But if he says he met a man named Larry Zwibell, then he met a man named Larry Zwibell.

Natalie: What do you think?
Adrian Monk: About what?
Natalie: The signature. The painter. He has the same name as...
Adrian Monk: As my hallucination?
Natalie: Hey, I didn't say that. Now, Mr. Monk, you gotta admit, it looks kind of bad. People might think that you saw the name and made up a person.
Adrian Monk: Or the man I met saw the name on that painting and decided to use it for himself.

Natalie: Oh, my God. It's a kissing fern.
Cal Gefsky: A what?
Natalie: Yeah. They're called kissing ferns. It's supposed to be good luck for newlyweds to kiss underneath one. Haven't you heard that song? Kiss me under the kissing fern, baby.
Cal Gefsky: Yeah, okay, well. Yeah, in that case, uh... Here? Ready?
Natalie: Oh, wow. You don't get it. It's so cute. Let me take a picture. I... Gotta get a great angle here.
Heidi Gefsky: You can take the picture.
Natalie: [sings] Kiss me underneath the kissing fern baby The hanging plant The hanging plant [Monk provides a beat] Of love...

Natalie: You'll feel better when we get home. We'll call Dr. Kroger.
Adrian Monk: It's Saturday.
Natalie: We'll call Dr. Kroger.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, I met him. I talked to him. He was so real. How could I, how could I be so wrong? I'm never taking another drink as long as I live.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, some people just have no tolerance. I used to work in a bar. I saw it all the time. You had two sips. That's like 10 shots to a normal person.
Adrian Monk: Thank you.

Al Nicoletto: Saw a vending machine back there. You want a soda?
Adrian Monk: Excuse me?
Al Nicoletto: To wash your mouth out. You want a soda?
Adrian Monk: That would be great. Thanks. Tome su tiempo.
Al Nicoletto: What?
Adrian Monk: It means, "take your time."
Al Nicoletto: Right. [walks off]
Adrian Monk: Natalie. Natalie, he's lying. This guy and the man I met last night are not brothers. He just said "soda." And Zwibell, Gruber, whatever his name is said "pop." And he was bilingual. This guy doesn't speak a word of Spanish. They could not have grown up in the same house. Okay, I need to find out who he really is.