Adrian Monk: As Special Agent Rusty Clark would say, "Here's what happened." Last week, you came in here alone after hours. It was easy to transfer Susan's scream from the slasher film onto the exercise video. The morning of the murder, you smashed some glass on the rear door to make it look like somebody broke in. You hid a knife near the front door where you could grab it quickly. Then you replaced her exercise video with the one you doctored, and the stage was set. As you planned, the press was out front, and you made sure they saw Susan alive as you left the house. You recorded the audio low intentionally, because you needed her to turn the volume all the way up.
Sharona: The press thought you were going in to help her, but you were going in to kill her.
Adrian Monk: You only had a few seconds, but it was all you needed.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good work, Mr. Monk.
Sharona: And he did it without a spectroscope.
Lieutenant Disher: Could you stand up, please, Mr. Terry. You're under arrest. It's one easy motion. Cuffs come out, right arm down. Slap 'em on. You're goin' down, clown. Just like you're dancin'. How was that?
Captain Stottlemeyer: That was perfect. Now, don't be afraid to rough 'im up. That's a bad guy.

Sharona: Well, this this is for you. Somebody outside gave it to me. It's a petition about that new theme song.
Brad Terry: Oh, yeah. I know. Everybody hates it. Am I the only one who likes this?
Sharona: Oh. Oh, no. I like it too. I can't get it out of my mind. It-It's a good song.
Brad Terry: From Marci, right? Marci Maven. She follows me everywhere. She's not right.

Captain Stottlemeyer: On TV, you always see one cop in one car hot-roddin' after some suspect. It doesn't happen like that. Believe it or not, we're out there trying to serve and protect.

Marci Maven: I did the world a favor. She was a terrible actress.
Sharona: Who was?
Marci Maven: Susan Malloy. The bitch... I killed. She only made one movie. What kind of actress only makes one movie? Frat Party Massacre. Did you see it?
Sharona: Uh, no.
Marci Maven: I did. Like, 20 times.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And how did you do it, Marci?
Marci Maven: It was easy. Snuck in the glass window in the back. I hid. She came in. She was, uh, doin' an exercise tape. She didn't even see me. I pulled out the knife, and she started screaming. I started stabbing, and I stabbed her.
Adrian Monk: How many times?
Marci Maven: Three or four.
Lieutenant Disher: Why did you do it, Marci?
Marci Maven: I did it for Brad. Hello? I love him. You know, l... That bitch broke his heart. She won't be hurting him anymore. Right?

Captain Stottlemeyer: It's all one motion. Cuffs are out, right hand down, cuffs are on. It's like you're dancing.

Lieutenant Disher: Screw the backup. Screw the backup. I'm goin' in. Screw the backup. I'm goin'... Do I sound like a real cop?
Sharona: You'll never sound like a real cop.

Adrian Monk: Sharona.
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: Brad. He lied to that girl about her script. I was there.
Sharona: So what? He was being polite.
Adrian Monk: No. No, no, no, no. He was... He was wearing one of those pulse monitors. His heartbeat didn't change, not a fraction. He's a sociopath. That's how he beat the polygraph test. He did it. He's the guy.
Sharona: He can't be the guy.
Adrian Monk: He's the guy. He's the guy.

Adrian Monk: How do you feel, Marci?
Marci Maven: How do I feel? Well, th- That's funny, because I've talked to five psychiatrists and... And three psychologists and one therapist. And, uh, they all wanted to know the same thing. "How you feelin', Marci? How you feelin', Marci?"
Adrian Monk: I- I heard that you got into some trouble last night.
Marci Maven: I smashed the TV in the rec room. What was I supposed to do? Crime Lab S.F. was on with that that new theme song which I hate. Why do they need a new theme song?
Adrian Monk: Marci. I know you didn't kill Susan Malloy.
Marci Maven: Oh, no. Sure I did.
Adrian Monk: No. You couldn't kill anyone. Why did you confess? There's only one reason why you would confess. Because you know Brad Terry is guilty. You love him. You're protecting him. But how do you know he's guilty? That's the question. How do you know he killed his ex-wife? [Marci hangs up the prison phone] Marci. Marci.

Adrian Monk: Okay, so she comes back in to start her workout. And you put in your favorite exercise video.
[When Sharona turns the TV on, it's extremely loud]
Sharona: I'm sorry. It was turned all the way up.
Adrian Monk: Okay Okay. Okay. Wait a minute. It was turned all the way up the day she was killed too.
Sharona: What does that mean?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. Let me see that yoga tape. It's not here.
Adrian Monk: It's right there. I saw Disher take it out.
Sharona: It's not here. What, somebody steal it? I mean, who would steal a workout tape? [off Monk's look] What?
Adrian Monk: I know what happened here. You're not gonna like it. Just hear me out. Just keep an open mind.
Sharona: He did it, didn't he? [Monk nods]

Adrian Monk: He's seducing them all, one by one. It's easy for him. He's an actor. He lies for a living.
Dr. Kroger: Yeah, but you could say that he tells the truth for a living. [Monk gives Dr. Kroger a doubtful look]
Adrian Monk: There was a cast party last night. Everybody went.
Dr. Kroger: Except you. How did that make you feel?
Adrian Monk: Like I was back in sixth grade. There was this kid Robbie Walover. He was a great athlete. He was funny. Everybody liked him. That year, he invited everyone to his birthday party except me. Here I am, still in the sixth grade.
Dr. Kroger: Robbie Walover. Did- Did he live over on Hillside Avenue?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Dr. Kroger: I knew him. My mother was friendly with his mother.
Adrian Monk: Were you at the party?
Dr. Kroger: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Was it great?
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, you don't wanna know.
Adrian Monk: No, no.
Dr. Kroger: Okay, yes. Okay, fine. It was... Yes, it was, um It was pretty great. Yeah, it was great. We went to Candlestick Park. I met Willie Mays.