Lieutenant Disher: [sneezes]
Sharona: You okay?
Lieutenant Disher: She has a cat.
Sharona: Well, why don't you tell her to bring it upstairs?
Lieutenant Disher: No. No. It doesn't matter. If a cat's been in a house in the last year, I can't stop sneezing.
Sharona: Really? Remind me to buy a cat.
Lieutenant Disher: [sneezes] Well, at least you won't be alone on Saturday nights.

Adrian Monk: Gravy?
Man: No, thanks.
Adrian Monk: Everyone else is having gravy.
Man: I don't like it.
Adrian Monk: Why don't you have a little gravy?
Sharona: He doesn't want any gravy.
Adrian Monk: I think the gentleman can speak for himself. Sir?
Man: I don't want any gravy.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Sure. Enjoy your meal.

Adrian Monk: Here it is.
Man: I don't want it.
Adrian Monk: Didn't you just ask for gravy?
Man: I didn't say anything.
Adrian Monk: Oh. Well, here it is.
Man: I told you. I don't want it.
Adrian Monk: Okay, how about this then? You have some gravy...
Man: And?
Adrian Monk: That's it.

Sharona: Well, at least they didn't hurt her.
Lieutenant Disher: No. She was treated pretty well, considering. They even kept saying "Be careful" when they carried her out of the house.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, they fed her pizza. All the pizza she could eat. I can't even get pizza at my house.
Lieutenant Disher: Get this. They played opera. The old lady says she could hear it through the door.
Adrian Monk: The kidnappers are into opera. What kind of revolution is this?

Lieutenant Disher: Okay. Cool. It'll be the three of us. We can do good cop, bad cop, worse cop.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, it's a two-man job. Just wait here.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, okay. I'll just wait here and...
Sharona: Weep openly.
Lieutenant Disher: Do some paperwork.
Sharona: While you weep openly.

Ron Abrash: Don't you people read the papers? The Brigade is ancient history. We broke up like 25 years ago. Besides, all we cared about was the war. Remember the war?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, I remember the war. I had a brother over there. So you're denying any involvement in the kidnapping of Mrs. Parlo?
Ron Abrash: Of course I deny it. Demanding free turkey dinners? That's insane. Besides, I'm a vegan.
Captain Stottlemeyer: All right, Ronnie. Where were you yesterday at 7:30 in the morning?
Ron Abrash: I was in my classroom. I teach graduate level English and screenwriting at Berkeley. Call them. Check it out. The most radical thing I do these days is give the finger to jerks driving SUVs.

Sharona: Oh, hi, Mrs. Parlo. How are you feeling?
Mrs. Parlo: Oh, a lot better. Tell me. Is it true? They said that they'd arrested a hippie that belonged to that group, the Lightning Rods.
Sharona: Uh, yeah, the the Lightning Brigade.
Mrs. Parlo: I should have stabbed him in his particulars.
Sharona: Well, actually my boss doesn't think they were involved at all. He thinks somebody was framing them.

Sharona: Um, I just want to make sure that you remember what you promised Adrian. You know, that if he helped you...
Julie: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. About getting him reinstated. Yeah. Yeah, just, um, come by the law school library tonight. I'll be there with my whole study group.
Sharona: Great. Great. Well, I just want to let you know that he's really counting on this. It It really means a lot to him, you know?
Julie: Look. I understand. A deal's a deal. I mean, it's like we have a verbal... Uh, what's the word? Verbal... Ugh! I'm drawing a blank.
Sharona: Contract.
Julie: That's it.

Sharona: Oh, are you studying in Spanish?
Tom Barton: Um, yeah. I'm taking my next bar exam in Peru. It's all true and false down there.
Adrian Monk: Doesn't that mean you'll only be able to practice in Peru?
Tom Barton: Uh, geez.

Sharona: Do any of you have any professional experience yet or...
Julie: Oh, well, uh, we've done a lot of pro bono work.
Sascha Gordon: Last year we assisted in two death penalty cases: Sal Dickerson and Bill Jansen.
Adrian Monk: Dickerson and Jansen? Weren't they...
Sascha Gordon: I miss them every day.
Edie Rusher: That's how you learn. By making mistakes. Now we know if you're filing a stay of execution, you have to take into account daylight savings time.