Lieutenant Disher Quote #40

Quote from Lieutenant Disher in Mr. Monk and the Missing Granny

Lieutenant Disher: [sneezes]
Sharona: You okay?
Lieutenant Disher: She has a cat.
Sharona: Well, why don't you tell her to bring it upstairs?
Lieutenant Disher: No. No. It doesn't matter. If a cat's been in a house in the last year, I can't stop sneezing.
Sharona: Really? Remind me to buy a cat.
Lieutenant Disher: [sneezes] Well, at least you won't be alone on Saturday nights.


‘Mr. Monk and the Missing Granny’ Quotes

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: All right. Maybe it wasn't you. Maybe it was some of your old playmates trying to relive their glory days.
Adrian Monk: Maybe they missed the buzz. You look familiar, Ronnie. Didn't I see you last week at the opera?
Ron Abrash: The opera? What have you been smoking, man?
Adrian Monk: I've been smoking the truth, man!
Ron Abrash: What are you guys doing good cop, crazy cop?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, listen to me. Listen. I think that you you failed that test on purpose. You- You don't want to get your badge back on a technicality, right? You want to earn it. You will. Adrian, you will. You'll... You're gonna be a great cop again. You're gonna do it the right way, and I respect you for that. Now, open the door. Monk! Open that damn door! I'm gonna give you until three.
Adrian Monk: [o.s.] A.M. or P.M.?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Not three o'clock, you fool!

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Julie: Excuse me. Captain Stottlemeyer? Hello. I'm Julie Parlo. Uh, where is the F.B.I.? This is a kidnapping. I happen to be a lawyer, so I know in a kidnapping situation the F.B.I. has jurisprudence.
Lieutenant Disher: That's only true if your grandmother's been taken across the state lines.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Or if she's been held for more than 24 hours.
Julie: And I think you meant to say "jurisdiction," right? What kind of lawyer are you?
Julie: Oh, uh, I never said I was a lawyer.
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, you did.
Julie: I-I'm a law student at Garland College, and I know that I have certain rights. And if you don't do everything you can to get my grandmother back, I could sue you all for malpractice.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, you can't.
Julie: I-I can't?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No.

Lieutenant Disher Quotes

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Class Reunion

Lieutenant Disher: Captain? I tracked down Kalimarakis. I don't think he's our guy. Number one, it turns out he was allowed to join the Olympic swim team as an alternate. He, uh, got a waiver.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So there's no motive.
Lieutenant Disher: Right. Number two, he's dead. He died in 1995. And number three, he moved to Europe in the late '80s. So there's no record of him ever returning-
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy. Randy, excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt you but could you read number two again?
Lieutenant Disher: Okeydoke. He's dead.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right. See, I probably would have stopped reading after number two. In fact, I would have read number two first.
Lieutenant Disher: You would have switched 'em?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. But that's just me. And probably every other adult on the planet Earth.

Quote from Mr. Monk Is the Best Man

Lieutenant Disher: So who's on your short list?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I've been at this all morning. Most of these guys are either in jail or dead.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, or both.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. Nobody is both.

Quote from Mr. Monk's 100th Case

Adrian Monk: What about her lipstick?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Lipstick? Looks like he took it.
Lieutenant Disher: Lipstick Killer. Lipstick Assassin. Mr. Lipstick. I've always wanted to name one of these guys.
James Novak: Why?
Lieutenant Disher: If you can name them, you can catch them.
James Novak: Why?