Captain Stottlemeyer: What is in there?
Karen Stottlemeyer: Lighting equipment.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, how much did that cost?
Karen Stottlemeyer: Oh, don't worry, Leland. I will pay you back.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's not the point. What I meant was that it's- We- We can't afford lighting equipment!
Karen Stottlemeyer: Move. If I had a digital camera I wouldn't need so much lighting equipment.
Captain Stottlemeyer: We cannot afford a new camera!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Karen, I do not want to have another fight!
Karen Stottlemeyer: I would love to have another fight, because I am sick and tired of this one. Don't forget about the farmer's market, and don't pretend to forget about the farmer's market.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Who's late?
Adrian Monk: Garbage truck. It's 8:22. They've never been this late.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, it's 8:15. Is that the watch that Trudy gave you? So, you're never gonna know what time it is for the rest of your life?
Adrian Monk: Maybe.

Captain Stottlemeyer: You know, Trudy's been gone for seven years. I- I think maybe it's time you think about letting go.
Adrian Monk: Letting go?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. You should think about your future.
Adrian Monk: What future?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Your future.
Adrian Monk: I don't have one.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, you do. Yes, you do. And I think that you should you should start thinking about building a life. You should, uh, get on with it. Just let it go. At least buy a new watch. Just think about it.
Adrian Monk: I'm afraid to.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk. You...
Adrian Monk: I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: If I lose her...
Adrian Monk: I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: We... Karen...
Adrian Monk: I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Since... Since we were kids.
Adrian Monk: I know. I know. Is there anything I can do?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You know what you can do.

Adrian Monk: She's gonna want to keep it. We can't have a dog!
Lieutenant Disher: You don't live together.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Lieutenant Disher: You want to see something really weird?
Adrian Monk: No. ... Okay.

Lieutenant Disher: Have you seen her yet?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, I've seen her. I'll feel a whole lot better when she can see me.
Lieutenant Disher: How are the boys doing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: They're scared to death. They're with my mother, which is scary enough.

Adrian Monk: Captain, I think you're making a mistake.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Not now, Monk.
Adrian Monk: I- I don't think the union is involved. Look, you've been reading about this strike. The negotiations are going their way. Every editorial is behind them. Why would they do something stupid now? It doesn't make any sense.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It makes sense to me.
Adrian Monk: Also, the shooter wasn't wearing shoes. Can you imagine any of these guys running around barefoot?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, maybe he wasn't thinking straight.
Adrian Monk: Maybe you're not.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, Monk, you don't know what I'm thinking.
Adrian Monk: I think I do. The place you're in now, that's where I live.

Captain Stottlemeyer: I hate hospitals.
Adrian Monk: The doctor says she's stable. Thank God.
Captain Stottlemeyer: She woke up for a couple minutes. She could barely breathe. That's how much pain she's in. She asked how the kids were. I said the kids were fine. She passed out again. If I lose her... What if I lose her?
Adrian Monk: You're not. You're not. You're not gonna lose her.
Captain Stottlemeyer: "Not gonna lose her." I remember I said that to you one time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [hits vending machine] Peanut bar. I hate these. Do you want it?
Adrian Monk: Why'd you buy it?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I didn't buy it. I felt like hitting something.

Sharona: Adrian, I'm gonna spank you. Come on.
Adrian Monk: Are you talking to me or the dog?
Sharona: Both.

Jared: Ever been here before, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: No. No, I don't go out much.
Jared: Oh, we come here all the time.
Adrian Monk: Well, I can see why. It's so... loud and loud.
Jared: Is this really what the '50s were like?
Adrian Monk: Exactly. It's like a time machine.