Haley: Okay, so we both think that this would make a totally awesome bedroom.
Alex: But only one of us can have it. Don't you think it should be me?
Haley: Oh, so not. It should be me. Right, Luke?
Luke: Why do you guys wanna move into the attic?
Haley: Oh, you mean "the penthouse"?
Alex: With all the privacy of being on its very own floor?
Luke: It is kinda cool.
[aside to camera:]
Luke: I'm not an idiot. I knew what they were up to, but I've been wanting to move for a while. There's a line of ants going to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet, and I don't want to still be there when they get tired of candy.

Cameron: Oh, he is so cute!
Laura: Yeah, and he never cries. Literally never. It's actually a little weird.
Cameron: Oh, no, that's not weird. My sister was born with a full set of teeth.
Mitchell: Yeah, that never happened.
Cameron: Oh. No? Really? You should've seen her crib. It looked like beavers lived there.

Mitchell: Cam, you don't have to ice her out completely.
Cameron: Do you think I'm enjoying this? But I need her to detach from me before the new thing comes or who knows what she'll do to it.
Mitchell: Why are you saying "thing" instead of "baby"?
Lily: Kill the new baby.
Mitchell: Oh.