Phil: Dylan?
Dylan: Oh, Mr. D. You jog here, too?
Phil: I'm a half a block from my house. Are you wearing boots?
Dylan: Okay, this is less of a coincidence than it seems. I've been following you around for a few days. It's about Haley. I know she's in a relationship, but I love her, and I think she loves me.
Phil: Dylan, I heard about what happened. I wouldn't read too much into it. It was only one kiss.
Dylan: Uh...
Phil: Oh, no. Two kisses?
Dylan: Okay.

Haley: [aside to camera] I went to Dylan's house to tell him it wasn't okay that we kissed, and I ended up sleeping with him. I would go back to his house to tell him it wasn't okay we slept together, but where does that go? [chuckles]

Manny: Okay, for this next scene, Sherry will play a famous person.
Gloria: Lou Diamond Phillips!
Manny: Excellent. And, Jay, I need an occupation.
Jay: I agree.

Mitchell: Okay. His shoes are fine. They have kids. They know they ruin everything. [off Lily's look] Except your life.
Cameron: Yeah.
Lily: Nice save.

Cameron: [to Cal] Uh, you can watch your truck videos.
Mitchell: Hey, don't take your eyes off of him.
Lily: So, just to be clear, I don't get any childhood?
Mitchell: Oh, please. Last week, we taught you how to make flan.

Phil: Get away from that door!
Dylan: Oh, hey, Mr. Dunphy. Ugh! Ow! You broke my heart.

Jay: Harpo, what are you doing?
Sherry: Studying you, creating a character. Imagine I'm not here.
Jay: I'm not that creative. Maybe you could help me.
Sherry: [laughing] Oh! So gruff. Love it.
Jay: I'm leaving.
Sherry: I'm leaving.
Jay: Good. You go.

Gloria: [gasps] Look at you, mis dos amigos!
Sherry: [Hispanic accent] Look at... Look at you, mis dos amigos!
Gloria: [chuckles] That does sound like me. You're so talented.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: Okay, that was strange. Gloria hates when people imitate her.

Sherry: Manny, come rub my ankles, papi!
Gloria: [chuckles] Good, good. But how is your funny old man character coming?
Sherry: [GRUFF VOICE] Ugh. Somebody get me a scotch that's as stiff as my back.
Gloria: [laughs] Do that again! That's the money!
Jay: How did you know she was doing that?
Sherry: [normal voice] She is so supportive. It was her idea.
[aside to camera:]
Jay: And there it was. Gloria didn't want that weirdo here any more than I did. She just wanted me to be the bad guy. But the joke's on her, because, for short bursts of time, I can be quite nice.

Mitchell: Your house is so beautiful, with such nice things.
Cameron: Well, they don't have to spend their money on orthodontia, ballet lessons, and college funds.
Kieran: Yeah. The grass is greener.
Mitchell: Your grass is greener. We can't seem to get Cal to pee indoors.