Jay: Phil's right.
Mitchell: Really? Oh, t-then here's something, too. When I was younger, I never thought I would be here. And here I am.
Jay: What the hell does that mean?
Mitchell: Oh, God.

Jay: [aside to camera] I had the perfect night planned. Alone, pay-per-view boxing. The pride of Ireland versus a Cuban sensation. In the ring and in my bloodstream. Then Gloria and Mitchell got involved.

Cameron: [aside to camera] I don't know what it is, but Jay gets uncomfortable when it's just the two of us. And then I get uncomfortable, and I feel like I have to say something.
[flashback:]
Cameron: [to Jay] Today's Hitler's birthday.

Mitchell: Hey, Lily, you sure you don't want to go to the movies with us? Last chance.
Lily: What is it about again?
Mitchell: The Defenders of Infinity are heroes from several different time streams that make their way into the future without-
Phil: Um, it's not really the future since the streams have always coexisted.
Mitchell: Don't do that. Don't treat me like I'm a lobotomorph.

Luke: Oh, and don't worry. Lily's babysitters have a big night planned: puzzles, ping-pong, board games.
Lily: Are we still in that "let Manny win or he cries" phase?
Manny: No.

Mitchell: We should get going. Are we taking separate time streams?
Phil: Sure, if we want to get there yesterday.

Claire: Think about it. They were very eager to get us out of the house. They're up to something.
Gloria: You are too suspicious.
Claire: And you are too trusting! Luke's already been arrested this year. A few weeks ago, we caught him with beer. Even that's a better rap.
Gloria: I'm hearing a lot of Luke's name and none of Manny.
Claire: You don't think Manny's up to the same things when you're not paying attention?
Gloria: You're crazy. Manny hates beer.
Claire: A fruity Beaujolais then.

Claire: You can do whatever you want. I'm gonna go check on my kid.
Gloria: [closes closet drawer] I hate how good those gliders are!

Mitchell: I am so excited. I feel like a teenager.
Phil: Me too. Although, as Torf the Ancient, I have seen everything from the Great Star Explosion to the Seven Moon Alliance. Claire was right. No girls.

Phil: I sold this cool cat a house in the hills last year. Since then, his bluegrass band has really taken off.
James: It's so crazy. We started doing it ironically, and before we knew it, we were actually doing it for real.
Mitchell: That happened to me in the '90s with saying, "Exsqueeze me."