‘The Party’
Season 7, Episode 18 - Aired April 6, 2016
Manny and Luke are left at home to babysit Lily when the adults pair off and enjoy a day to themselves. Claire and Gloria take a spa day, Phil and Mitchell geek out at the movie theater, and Jay and Cameron go to a sports bar to watch the big fight. When a fire alarm goes off back at the house, Claire is convinced the boys are throwing a party.
Quote from Cameron
Jay: Claire! Hey, this is my actual daughter. You came up a few times tonight.
Cameron: So has my "wife." [laughs]
Quote from Luke
Phil: Claire there's something we have to tell you. What did we decide to do again?
Mitchell: We, uh... We're g-- We're gonna need a minute.
Gloria: I told you there was nothing going on with the boys.
Claire: You're right. Boys, I apologize.
Phil: We can confirm that there's nothing suspicious anywhere.
[All gasp]
Tommy: [groans] Sorry about your table, Lewis. I have another party.
Quote from Phil
Gloria: I shouldn't trust my kid so much. I have to be more like Claire and not trust anybody.
Claire: I didn't want to be right, but I am. So [chuckles] here we are. At least we still have Alex. You guys don't have any good kids, so who's the bad parent now, huh?
Phil: Nobody.
Mitchell: Phil, no, don't.
Phil: No, no. I got this. Claire, I know why you're always worried. Because you don't know what's going to happen.
It's called fear of the future, or "fof" or "fotf. " But spoiler alert, it's gonna be great. Guys, I have two words for you: think about time travel. If you could go forward in time and turn around and look at this moment, we would say, "This is all super chill." Our kids are good people. They turn out great.
Quote from Cameron
Jay: Look, you got to relax. They're going to be fine. People have a way of surprising you.
Cameron: Yes, you see, we had our own journey tonight, an unlikely duo thrust together.
Jay: Not your moment, Cam.
Cameron: Oh, right. I'll send a group e-mail.
Quote from Jay
Jay: Honey, don't worry. You're better parents than Dede and I ever were, and you turned out all right.
Claire: Thanks, Dad.
Gloria: But what do we do now?
Claire: Are we just supposed to let these kids off the hook because we were as bad as they are?
Jay: No. We'll be hypocrites. Like all parents! Luke! Manny! Get your asses in here! Also, am I the only one that sees that these two idiots are high as kites?
Quote from Jay
Cameron: Oh, my God. She is still going. How much soda did she have?
Jay: You know, when you and Mitchell first got together, you used to ask me to do a lot of stuff.
Cameron: I was new to the family, and I- I really wanted you to like me. But I always seemed to be too much, too demonstrative, too dramatic so I stopped.
Jay: Well, I had fun tonight. I wouldn't mind if you still chased me a little bit sometimes.